Ask Sam letter

Asker

To Sam

Relationships

i was in a relationship with a boy who i thought the world of i was on holiday and he cheated on me i tried making things work but it didnt so I decided to finish him and be friends. He kept texting and calling me at first they were horrible kind of texts then friendly I've recently found out he has gone back to an ex who he used to slag off and i get really jealous its made me cry and my feelings are all over the place and im not happy is there any advice you can give me?
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Nobody has the right to text and call you and say horrible things and make you feel bad. It’s not your fault that he’s been acting in this way. You deserve respect and honesty, and it doesn’t seem as though this is something that your ex has been giving you. It’s okay to let him know how much contact you want with him. You might decide that he’s not somebody you want to keep in touch with, or you might choose to put some rules in place so things aren’t so confusing. Find out more about being assertive so you can say exactly how you feel.

I get the impression that you’ve been getting really mixed messages from him. It might help for you to give him some very clear messages about how you’d like things to be. It's important for you to be comfortable and do what feels right for you.

There seems to be a bit of a pattern in his behaviour. He has said upsetting things to you and he’s said upsetting things about his ex. It’s important to ask yourself whether this is somebody who you feel able to trust. What do you look for in a friend and in a partner? You don’t have to compromise on things like being respected in a relationship. These are basic things that we all deserve.

I can tell that you feel very hurt. You don’t have to go through this alone. Think about which people in your life mean the most to you and think about talking to those you trust. If you want to talk about things confidentially, remember you can talk to ChildLine any time. You might also find it useful to check out the relationships section on the message boards to share ideas and experiences with other young people.

I hope that you feel better soon and spend time enjoying the company of those who make you feel cared about.

Take care,
Sam

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small.

Write me a letter