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To Sam

racist parents :-|

Hi Sam,

 Here's the story: I'm white and I have been crushing on a black guy for a long time. Then, he asked me out. When I told my mum I had a boyfriend, she was thrilled and asked me to bring him home, so I did. When she saw my boyfriend she didn't speak to him at all apart from saying 'Good evening'. My dad was even worse, he cracked loads of really offensive racist "jokes". My boyfriend was really embarassed, offended and humiliated. He dumped me and now won't even talk to me as a friend. I hate my parents so much. What's wrong with them? Why are they so racist? How can I deal with them??? xx

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thanks so much for writing to me about this. You sound as though you’re having a very difficult and confusing time. I’m really concerned to hear that you and your boyfriend have been through this. 

Racism is never OK and there are laws to protect people from it. I couldn’t say for certain why your parents have these racist attitudes but racism often comes from fear or a lack of understanding about other people’s cultures. It’s important to respect other people’s ways of life and backgrounds and nobody has the right to discriminate against someone based on their skin colour.

You are your own person and you have the right to choose your own values. It seems like you feel very upset by your parents’ racism and that you don’t agree with their behaviour at all. Perhaps you could think about talking to them about what happened. 

It might also help to talk to someone outside of the situation so that you can have space to express your feelings. ChildLine counsellors are always here to listen and you’re welcome to call free on 0800, have a 1-2-1 chat or send an email.

You’ve done really well to tell me what’s happening. Remember that the way your parents have acted is not your fault and is not a reflection on you as a person.

Take care,


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