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To Sam

oh no

Dear Sam i did a unthinkable thing i have 3 best friends that are guys and i had sex with all of them and somehow it got around school and now everyone is calling me a slut i have been cutting myself because they won’t leave me alone and that was my first time having sex and im 16 my friends are trying to help me get through it they are the ones that i had sex with im tired of these people was i too young to do that or what???????
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

It’s really good to hear from you. I can see that you are wondering if you did the right thing having sex with your best friends. It sounds even more confusing for you that everyone has found out what happened and is making their own judgments about you.

I can see that you’re asking if you were too young to have sex. People will feel ready to have sex at different times, and what’s right for one person won’t be right for another. What’s important with any sex is that both people are happy for it to happen, that they stay safe, and that they both understand the possible consequences of having sex. If you choose to have sex with a friend and you’re not hurting anyone else, then that’s ok. It certainly doesn’t mean you deserve to be called names. Sometimes we make choices we regret later, and that’s ok too. Making mistakes is a way we can learn more about ourselves and make changes.

No one has the right to judge you or to bully you. You’ve told me that you’ve been cutting yourself because of the bullying, which makes me think it is really upsetting you. Bullying is wrong and your teachers have a duty of care to keep you safe at school. I wonder what it would be like to talk to a school nurse, counsellor or trusted adult about your feelings. Your safety is really important and if you don’t feel ready to tell anyone else then you could talk to a ChildLine counsellor. They are trained to listen to young people and will not judge you. If you need immediate help at any time you can ring 999. You could also read the section on self-harm on the explore pages of the ChildLine website for information and advice.

Take care

Sam

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