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To Sam

not a virgin any more

I went to a party recently at night and this guy in my form pulled me outside and started having sex in the back garden i didn't want him to though and he put his hand up my bra and took my hand down his trousers and now in not a virgin any more and in worried what people will think. And at school he sists next to me in most lessons and lots of the time feels me and pulls my bra back and then snaps it into place and puts his hand on my bum and stuff and i really don't like it i don't really like him much either but theres no one i can tell coz i don't want them to think in not virgin any more what should i do

Ask Sam


Hi there,

I’m really glad that you decided to write this letter. You’ve done the right thing to tell someone about what’s been going on. It sounds like you are feeling really on your own with this because you’re worrying about what other people might think or say. It seems like you might be feeling embarrassed or ashamed. I want you to know that what’s happened could never be your fault and you haven’t done anything wrong.

Nobody ever has the right to force or pressure another person into doing anything sexual that they don’t want to do. What this guy is doing is called sexual abuse. It sounds like he is continuing to touch you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable at school too. This is sexual harassment it’s wrong of him, you have a right to feel safe and happy at school.

You’ve told me that you don’t like the way he is touching you. You always have the right to say no and to tell him that you want him to stop, though I also understand sometimes that’s difficult to do.

If you feel unsafe letting this person know that you want it to stop you might want to consider telling someone else that can help like an adult that you trust

It sounds like you are feeling worried about the idea of not being a virgin anymore. Not being a virgin doesn’t make someone a bad person or mean that they have done anything wrong, even when they didn’t choose to lose their virginity. The first time that you are ready to choose to be intimate with someone can still be special even if you are not a virgin.

When someone has sex with another person it can be a good idea to have a health check from either your doctor or from places like Brook, which is a safe place for young people to go and get tested confidentially. This could be a check for pregnancy, as well as for STIs (sexually transmitted infections). There is always a risk of pregnancy if a penis enters a vagina without contraception being used.

ChildLine is always a safe place to talk about how something is making you feel. Our counsellors can also help you think about your options and what you might like to happen next. You are very welcome to log on for a 1-2-1 chat with a counsellor anytime, or to call ChildLine free on 0800 1111 (this is a free number and it won’t show up on your bill)

Well done again for getting in touch.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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