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To Sam

my so called friends

I am part of a large friendship group at my school, there is about 10 of us. The problem is, there is two people that we used to get along with. Recently they have got really friendly and always go off by themselves and never let anyone go with them. They never seem to want to do anything to do with us but then when the other one is not around, they start acting like your best friend again. Also, they start arguements, there was a large group chat (which i have now left) but one of them said on there that all my friends are using me because i'm fairly clever. I always noticed them copying off me so I think that might have been what they were doing? We have tried to talk to them but they keep saying they will change but they never do. Its making me really upset, what should I do?
Ask Sam


Hi there

Thanks for writing to me about your friendship group and telling me how you’re feeling right now. It sounds like you miss the way things used to be with your friends.  Two friends in particular seem to be upsetting you at the moment. When friends start to behave differently, it can be really tough and I can tell that you are trying to work out the best thing to do.

It seems like what the two friends said about other friends using you has made you wonder if they are telling the truth. It’s really hard when someone says something like that and we begin to have doubts about people we feel we know.

It also sounds like you know that the same two friends try to create problems in other ways, such as causing arguments. It might be that they want to break away from the bigger friendship group but for some reason don’t want to say. I’m wondering whether you feel that these two friends bring anything good for you. It’s not ok for them to upset you in the way they have.

How would it be to see what happens next with the two friends, while you still enjoy your friendship with the other group members? It might be that time will show what the two friends really want to do. If they do want to be away from the bigger group, then it might be that no one can change their minds. 

Check out the information about Friends in our Explore section - I think you might find it useful.

If you like, you could also take a look at the ChildLine message boards - this is where young people share their thoughts and ideas about friendships. You could also start your own thread to get some ideas from the other young people on the message boards.

If you would like more support with this, you can speak to a ChildLine counsellor for free, by ringing 0800 1111, or you could log in for a 1-2-1 chat online.

I wish you the very best of luck with this.

Take Care


Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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