Ask Sam letter

Asker

To Sam

My Mum (Please Help)

My Mum is 34 and she has been dateing a man who is 32, they have just broke up and my Mum is crying and keeps hugging and kissing me, she seems very upset and worried, sam, how can I help her?
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Thank you for getting in touch and telling me how things are for you and mum at the moment. I can hear how worried you are and how much you want to help your mum. It sounds like you’re a very caring and considerate person. It’s natural to want to help the people we love when we can see them going through a difficult and distressing time.

It’s really positive that you want to help your mum, but it’s important that you still have time for yourself too. Supporting other people, especially family and friends, can be hard work emotionally. It’s not easy seeing someone close to you get really upset. From your letter I’m not sure who else is in your family besides your mum. Maybe you could take some time to think about who you could talk to about things at home. You need to be able to talk about your own thoughts and feelings as well as listening to mum’s. It might be that mum would also find it helpful to have some extra people to talk to.

Remember that it’s not your responsibility to fix things for your mum. Being kind and taking time to listen when she’s upset will make a big difference for her. Hopefully in time she will start to feel better. If you are still worried about her after a few months, then it’s ok to talk to another adult about getting some more support for you both.

I’m wondering how it would feel to talk things through with your mum and let her know how worried you are about her? Perhaps you could ask her if there’s anything you can do to help. That way she’ll be able to see how much you care and are affected by what has happened.

You have done brilliantly writing down your feelings for me and being so open and honest. If you’d find it helpful to talk a bit more, remember you can always talk to the counsellors at ChildLine in a 1-2-1 chat. You might also like to get support from the message boards, which is where other children and young people can share messages with each other about the issues they face in their daily lives.

Once again thank you for your letter and take good care of yourself,

Sam

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small.

Write me a letter