Ask Sam letter


To Sam

my bf cheated

I have secretly been dating a boy in my school. He asked me out and now he said that he had a gf in another school and he never told me I think we are over but I still love him and im so confused I don't know what to do
Ask Sam


Some details have been changed to make sure everyone's identity is confidential.


Thank you for your letter. Finding out someone has been cheating on you can be very painful so I’m glad you have turned to me for advice and support.

I want you to know that you haven’t done anything wrong. It sounds like this boy hasn’t been honest with you about this other girl, and that was unfair to both of you.

When you care about someone, it can be very difficult to suddenly stop those feelings, even if they have hurt you. It can be especially hard if you’ve had lots of good times together. I can hear that the feelings you have for this boy are making you feel confused about what to do next. I’m not sure if he has said what he wants to happen now with your relationship. Even if you’re both thinking about staying together, it’s worth keeping in mind that it can be hard to rebuild trust in a relationship so things might feel different for a while. 

Before you decide what to do, it’s important to take your time and think about what you want from a relationship, and how you want to be treated. It would be a good idea to let your ex know your feelings about what has happened, and discuss how things might be if you stay together.

I think you deserve to be with someone you can trust, who tells you the truth, and who treats you with respect. Take a look at our relationship advice in the Explore section for more information and advice about relationships.

It's really important that you take care of yourself during this confusing time and have a chance to let your feelings out. Perhaps you can do that by talking with friends and family that you trust or doing lots of things you enjoy.

You could take a look at the relationship message boards and see what other young people have to say about relationships. 

Remember that the ChildLine counsellors are here to support you if you'd like to talk things over more. You can email a counsellor, log on for a 1-2-1 chat or call 0800 1111 for free.

Take care


Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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