Ask Sam letter


To Sam

Long distance

I understand this isn't this weeks topic but I'd really like to have an opinion on this situation and I'm too shy to ask my friends.
I met this boy on holiday and we have been going out since we got back bout 5 months ago and we have said we are going to meet up. The problem is that his friend has told me that my boyfriend wants to have sex when I get down there and it's not that I don't want to its just what to say if at the time I don't want to? I'm supposed to be going down in a month or so and his parents probably won't be in as they work long hours during the day.
Please reply! Thank you! x
Ask Sam


Hi there

Thank you for writing to me. It sounds like you are concerned about going to see your boyfriend since his friend told you that he will want to have sex when you get there.

It sounds like you may be feeling pressured now that you have heard from his friend. It is really important that your boyfriend respects your decisions about sex, whatever his friends say. You have the right to choose to have sex when you feel ready and no one should put pressure on you to do something you're not totally comfortable with. If you do not want to have sex it is ok to say ‘no’ without feeling that you have done something wrong.

It sounds like it might help to talk honestly to your boyfriend before you visit him. What do you think it would be like to tell him what his friend has said and ask him how he feels about it? Finding out about someone else’s opinion through a friend isn’t always 100% reliable so it would be good to find out what your boyfriend actually thinks. You could ask him over text or MSN if you’d prefer that to talking on the phone. You should be able to feel comfortable that your boyfriend will respect your choices about sex.

You have not mentioned how old you both are and it is important to remember that the legally the minimum age for sex is 16. The law is there to help protect you from being pressured into a sexual relationship before you feel ready. Before making the decision to have sex you should also take time to think about ways that you can protect your sexual health. You could start by looking at the sexual health page in Explore section of our website.

If you think that it would help to talk about this situation in more detail you are welcome to contact a Childline counsellor by calling 0800 1111, or by logging in for a 1-2-1 chat or emailing.

Take Care


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