Ask Sam letter


To Sam

Just so I know.

Hey. I'm 11 years old and my class had a puberty talk few weeks ago. It told us about puberty however didn't go into further details of SEX. The nurse said, that we might see the word "sex" abit more than usually. Yeah, well I get that but I have some questions about it.

•Is french-kissing part of sexual behaviour (or whatever I should call it)?

•How old should you be to have sex the first time?

•If people don't use a condom to have sex, is it for definite that the woman will get pregnant?

Yeah, I know kind of awkward questions however I would really like to know and I don't feel comfortable about asking people in school. I would really appreaciate a reply, please do reply if you can! Thank'you!x x x :-)

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thanks for your letter. It sounds like after the puberty talk at school you still have some questions. I don’t think your questions are awkward and there are probably lots of people who would like to ask similar things.

French kissing is part of “sexual behaviour”. I think that’s a really good term to use that would include any kind of kissing, touching or having sex that a couple might do together. All these types of behaviours require consent which means that both people agree that they want to kiss, touch or have sex with each other.

In the UK the law says that you can have sexual intercourse when you are 16. Some people choose to have sex before they reach 16. It’s really important that whatever your age, you don’t have sex until you feel ready and that both people involved want it to happen. It’s also important to think about contraception before having sex.

Although there is a chance a woman will get pregnant if she has sex without using a condom, it is not definite. When a woman becomes pregnant it means that the egg, which has been released from her ovary, has become fertilised by the man’s sperm, which is released from his penis during sex. Having sex without contraception means there is a risk of pregnancy but it is not a certainty. There are other types of contraception which can prevent a woman from becoming pregnant. A condom will also prevent the passing of sexually transmitted infections or diseases.

I hope that you feel I have answered your questions openly and honestly. If you would like to find out more you can look at the section in Explore about Sex and relationships. You might also like to check out the Sex and sexual health message board where lots of young people talk their feelings, problems and questions. Another website you might find useful is Brook who have lots of information about sex, pregnancy and contraception.

It's always ok to ask questions so if you think of any more it might be a good idea to talk to a ChildLine counsellor. You can call us for free on 0800 1111 or log on for a 1-2-1 chat.

Take care,


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