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To Sam

Is this okay, morally wrong, legal or illegal

Hi Sam,

i'm 16 and i've finished school to go to college, well at my high school i fancied this teacher for ages he was all i could think about, he still is, he's told me he likes me in that way (he's 25-30) he says he has ever since i walked into his classroom, he said he has waited for me to finished school, well i still fancy him loads, we have a wicked connection, i have him on Facebook as loads of my old year added old teachers on facebook, i also have him on twitter and kik messenger, he also gave me his number to text him, as i'm having a few problems at the moment and he said 'text me, ring me, i don't care what time, if you need me i'm here' he also said that we can't start dating for a while at them moment because i'm vulnerable at the moment and he doesn't want to take advantage of me.
So basically what i'm wondering is;
-> Is there anything legally wrong with me having a relationship with him?
-> What is your personal opinion?
-> How would i go about telling him i want to go further with him?
-> will it be awkward as he was my Chemistry teacher?
-> What will people say/do when they find out?

Please Help me, xx

Ask Sam



Thank you for writing to me.

It sounds like you’ve had very strong feelings for your teacher for a long time now. I can hear that you’d like to take this further now that you’ve left school.

You’ve asked me whether it would be legal for you to have a relationship with your teacher. I’m not a legal expert, but I do know that it’s against the law for a teacher to have a sexual relationship with anyone under 18 who studies at their school. It’s okay for you to fancy your ex-teacher, but I think it would be wrong of him to act on those feelings. This is because when your teacher met you he was in a “position of trust” with you. A person in a position of trust (like a social worker, teacher or youth worker) has a responsibility to young people to work with them in a strictly professional way. This is because sexual relationships are generally not healthy and safe when there is a big difference in power between the two people involved.

While this man was your teacher, he would been able to have a great deal of influence and control over you. Even though he isn’t your teacher any more, he is still significantly older than you. This means he is likely to have more money, more independence, more experience and therefore more power than you in a lot of areas, particular as you are still under 18. That would give you much less control in the relationship than him, and could make things very awkward. It would also leave you very open to being taken advantage of.

I don’t know how other people will react if this man did start a relationship with you, but based on the fact he is a teacher they may be angry, upset or worried. As he’s a teacher he is still in contact with other young people so there may be concerns that he will try to have inappropriate relationships with other students.

You’ve asked how to tell your ex-teacher you’d like to take things further. My advice would be not to do this at all. I can hear how much you like him so I know this is probably not the answer you want to hear. It sounds like there are lot of things on your mind right now. Maybe speaking to a counsellor at ChildLine would help. You can call the helpline on 0800 1111, email them or log in for a 1-2-1 chat. You do not have to deal with this on your own and Childline would be happy to support you.

Take care,


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