Ask Sam letter

Asker

To Sam

I'm being told he's a cheat and player, etc

Hi Sam, I go out with a boy (I'm a girl)
and I have been told by loads of people he is a snake and a cheat and also a player, but he said he has changed and when people tell me what he was(cheat, player ect) face to face I feel bad like I'm doing something wrong and I don't know why I have fell out with most of my friends because of this but I love him and I'm starting to believe what people are telling me but I want to stay with him, I don't know what to do anymore because when people tell me this it leads me to cutting and I know I shouldn't do that either, please help me because I don't know what to do anymore??:(
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Thank you for your letter. It sounds like things are really confusing for you right now and that you are struggling with some very strong feelings.

Sometimes gossip and advice from different people can make things really confusing. It sounds like you feel like you don’t know what to do or who to believe. It might be that people are spreading gossip because they are jealous or being unkind. It might also be that they are genuinely trying to protect you from being hurt. It sounds like it’s important to take some time to think about your own thoughts and feelings and whether this is a relationship that makes you happy. Try not to be led by what people have told you but think about what you know about your boyfriend and how he makes you feel.

The most important things in any relationships are love, care, trust, respect and communication. The Relationships page in Explore has got some useful information about what healthy relationships should be like. If your boyfriend is doing anything that makes you feel unsafe or bad about yourself, it’s important to think really carefully about whether he is the kind of boyfriend you want to be with. While people can make mistakes and change it’s also important to remember to be realistic. If someone is used to cheating and lying, what are the chances that they are going to change if they can get away with being like that?

It seems like this situation is really tough for you and that those feelings are leading you to self-harm. Self-harm can be a way for some people to try and cope with their feelings when they have no other way of letting them out. It can sometimes take time to figure out all those feelings and find other ways of dealing with them or expressing them. You don’t have to go through that all on your own. You did really well writing to me today and it’s really important to keep trying to reach out and talk about what is going on for you.

Perhaps you could think about whether there is anyone you could talk to who could give you a more “neutral” opinion about your boyfriend. Is there an adult in your life that you trust, or a friend who you feel will be really honest with you? ChildLine is here for you too. Remember you can contact our counsellors either by logging in for a 1-2-1 chat, sending them an email or by calling 0800 1111.

Take care,

Sam

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small.

Write me a letter