i am a 14 year old bisexual girl who has had a crush on a 16 year old girl i play music with for around 5 months. Over this time i feel as though i have fallen in love with her and become incredibly obsessed, to the point where it has taken over my life. i feel as though this has started to really negatively affect my life, as i really want to go out with someone, but i know it is probably not going to work out which is making me pretty depressed. i am debating whether i should tell her, with the hope she may like me back, however i am almost certain she doesnt, and dont know how to ask her if she likes girls or anyone at all. i think if she rejects me then i will become very depressed, but i dont know how else i will be able to move on. what do you think i should do?
thanks
Sam
Hi there,
Falling for someone you spend a lot of time with is happens to lots of people. It can be hard to know what’s best when you’re feeling obsessed about it, but you’re also not sure if they feel the same way.
When you’re trying to decide whether you want to tell someone how you feel, it can help to weigh the risks and benefits. If you’re almost certain she doesn’t feel the same way, it may be better to focus on ways to start moving on without putting yourself through a potential rejection right now. This could involve spending a little more time on other hobbies or with different friends to create some distance.
It’s important to remember that while these feelings are very strong right now, they don’t have to define your future or your overall happiness. If you’re feeling low, tools like the Calm Zone or the Coping Kit can help with manage the feelings. If things feel like they are getting too much to handle on your own, reaching out to a Childline counsellor for a chat can give you a safe space to talk it through in more detail.
If you do decide to talk to her, there are ways that can make it feel easier. You could start by keeping it casual and asking more general questions about who she’s interested. If you feel safe to, you could also come out to her about your sexuality as a way of sharing that part of yourself. Making time to get to know each other more and spend time together can help you think more about what’s happening and what you want to do.
When you’re thinking about any relationship, it’s important to think about what’s safe. A two year age gap can feel quite small, but it can also mean that someone has more power over what’s happening. It’s important to remember that the age of consent in the UK is 16, you can find out more about what that means here.
Remember, no matter what happens Childline is here to support you.
Take care,
Sam
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