Im 18 and my boyfriend is 20(soon 21), last month we started dating even though we had only known each other for about a 4 days prior to going out. Anyway recently he just moved away and I didnt speak to him for a whole day because I was extremely busy. Anyway when I did speak to him at the end of the day he accused me of cheating on him and being with someone else when I wasnt. We sort of fixed the problem (well he thinks we have) but now he always wants to know what Im doing, who im with, what ive eaten. if im reading he wants to know what book so he can check it out. I cant even switched of my snapchat location without him accusing me of cheating. He's also bought me alot of stuff that I havent asked for and I don't think I love him as much as he loves me. I dont believe I miss him that much either is that bad?
I dont know what to do please help!
Sam
Hi there,
Relationships can be confusing, but they’re healthiest when they’re equal. A good healthy relationship means trusting each other, and understanding what each person wants from being together. When one person starts to try and control the other, it's a sign that there's something wrong and that changes might need to be made.
It's not okay for your boyfriend to keep accusing you of cheating or to try to control who you talk to. When someone becomes controlling it means the relationship is no longer equal. Nobody has the right to tell you what you can and can't do with your time. If there’s something worrying your boyfriend he can talk to you about it - but it's up to him to deal with his worries. You shouldn't be expected to change things that make you happy because of him.
Being in a relationship can mean you need to find compromises - it's rare that you'll be with someone who is perfectly matched to you in every way. But any time your partner asks you to make a compromise you need to decide if it’s fair, and if it's something you're prepared to do. It's important to put your own feelings and well-being first, before everything else.
If someone becomes very controlling and starts to make decisions for you about who you see and what you can do, this is abusive. It can be difficult to see when something is an unhealthy relationship whilst you’re in it, but a good way to deal with this is to talk to someone you trust. This might be a family member or a close friend. Tell them what you've told me about the things he makes you do and ask what they think about it. Getting an outside perspective can help - especially if your partner is trying to stop you seeing your friends and family.
It might help you to talk about this more with someone. Childline counsellors are here for you 24/7 and are here to listen. They could help you to understand what you want to do next.
I hope this has helped, thanks for writing in.
Take care,
Sam
Need help straight away?
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
Ask me a question
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.
