Ask Sam letter


To Sam

I don't exist to him.

I'm 13 years old and I'm starting year nine in September. I get around okay at school, I have a decent number of friends and no-one bothers me anymore. The only thing I'm upset about is the fact I'm in love with someone who will never bother to learn my name. I don't know what to do because every time I see him flirting with other girls I start crying and feel like self-harming. I've never felt this way before and it's scary. I can't control myself and I'm lost. Please help me?
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thanks for telling me what is going on for you.

It sounds like you are feeling scared, lost and out of control because of the effect he is having on you. I hear from lots of young people who have fallen in love with someone they can’t be with and it can seem like an incredibly overwhelming situation to deal with. You might find it helps to look for ways to release some of those feelings, as you’ve done by writing your letter. It may help to write what you are experiencing in a journal so that you can start to understand what is triggering these feelings and how to cope with them in the best possible way for you.

You say that the boy you love flirts with other girls and I can hear that is particularly hard for you to see. I wonder if anyone knows that you feel so strongly about him. Have you ever spoken to him or do you just feel that he would not want to talk to you? Boys have feelings too and although you may think that he is really confident he may have his own issues to deal with and may not be as confident as he seems. The relationships message board may be good for you to have a look at. The young people who are posting messages on this page are going through all kinds of relationship issues, some of which you may find similar to what you are experiencing.

I am concerned that you mention you feel like self-harming and I wonder how you would feel talking about this to a ChildLine counsellor. You can contact us on 1-2-1 chat or ring us on 0800 1111. Maybe you could think about another adult you trust who you would feel comfortable talking to. There is nothing wrong with sharing your feelings as everyone needs support at times in their life and you really don’t have to go through these difficult times on your own.

It sounds like other parts of your life are going well for you as you are doing okay at school and you have a decent number of friends. If you have had problems in the past it seems that you have worked through them, as you say that no one bothers you anymore. These strong feelings about the boy may have taken you by surprise but it doesn’t mean that you can’t work through them too, if you get the support that you need.

We hope to hear from you soon.

Take care,


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