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To Sam

I can't stop thinking about him

A few months ago, my crush asked me out and I was over the moon. Then the NEXT day he dumped me! I loved this boy so much and he just completely shattered my feelings just like that! He said he didn't want a relationship but still liked me. A few months on ( now) I am still deeply in love with him. The thing is he made me feel like I had a chance with him and that got my hopes up I guess. I talk about this boy all the time with my friends cause I know my mum would never understand...2 days ago my friends went up to him to ask him if he has any feelings for him and he said he didnt know? what does that mean!? it leaves me in such an awkward position. Also I keep meaning to talk to him but I feel to shy, how can I pluck up the courage to talk to him? I personally think we need to talk, he doesnt understand how much I think of him all the time, this isnt just a high school crush...I'm in love, truly and deeply. I get so depressed about this situation, please help me and give me some advice. Thanks sam x
Ask Sam


Hi there,

It can be really difficult to know what to do when a relationship ends. It must have been really exciting when he asked you out and it’s normal to be confused, especially when the next day he said he didn’t want a relationship.

From what he’s said, it sounds like he does like you, but this may be just as a friend as he has said he doesn’t want a relationship. It’s hard to know what he’s thinking without talking to him. It’s important to remember that it’s not his fault he feels this way – just like you can’t control the way you feel about him.

It’s good that you have your friends for support. Sharing your feelings can help you make sense of them and decide what you want to do next. I know you want to speak to him but are feeling awkward, so you could think about what you’d like to say to him and practise saying this with your friends.

You could also think about ways of starting a conversation, as this will make it easier to begin to talk to him. You could start off by talking to him online or by text -  this can be easier than face-to-face but it's important to remember that any message online can be saved and shared with other people so think about what you say. Also, think about ways to spend more time with him like being friends first. This will help you to get to know each other better.

If it still doesn’t seem like he’s interested in a relationship then it’s going to be better for both of you if you try to move on. This can be hard to do but it often means spending time focussing on other things in your life and making sure you don’t get stuck on these feelings for him. You could focus on yourself, the things you enjoy, meeting other people and finding new hobbies or interests.

When you’re in love with someone, it can be really difficult to cope if they don’t return these feelings. Remember to get support for yourself. You can talk to your friends, ask an adult for help, get support from other young people on our message boards or talk to a counsellor.

Take care,

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