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To Sam

He touches me uncomfortably

so ive got a bf and hes the best most of the time, even tho we argue ALOT. the problem is i always tell him we are young and some thingns we should stay away from. hes had a bad past and he knows alot of stuff. he touches me in ways i dont want him to and i usually try and laugh it off but i dont like it. i tell him i dont wanna show him or let him go near things but he sometimes complains. its really confusing. i want him to understand im not ready for some things but every time i try it doesnt work. what do i do?
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Arguments with anybody can be really stressful but especially when it’s somebody you are in a relationship with. It’s important that you’re able to say what you’re not comfortable with without it turning into an argument. If you can’t do that, you may need to talk about why that is.

You should always feel respected and trust one another in a relationship. This involves listening and understanding how you both feel, and when you don’t feel comfortable. When somebody isn’t listening, or doing something that we don’t want, this is controlling and disrespectful.

You always have the right to feel respected and safe in a relationship. And you never have to do anything you don’t want to do. If something doesn’t feel right, or if you’re being put under pressure, this is wrong and it’s emotional abuse. It's never okay to touch somebody in a way that they do not want. This is called sexual abuse.

It may help to have a discussion and say exactly how it makes you feel and that you don’t want to be touched. If this isn’t respected, then it may be time to make a decision about how you want your relationship to be.

We can’t always change or control the behaviour of others, we can only change and control how we respond and know that it’s okay to make tough choices that look after our own personal safety.

For a safe space to talk through experiences and feelings more you can talk to a counsellor who will always want to listen and support you. You could also think about asking an adult for help or getting support from other young people on our message boards.

Take care,

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