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To Sam

Having sex

I've gotten to age when all my friends are starting to talk about having sex and some of them having sex already. Many of my friends are telling me to have it with my boyfriend, he wants to too. However i dont think it right and i dont really want to. now people are making fun of me for not having sex and being a 'lightweight'. What should i do?
Ask Sam


Hi there

It’s really good to hear from you and thanks for having the courage to write to me about this.

It sounds like others are trying to pressurise you into having sex and it’s unfair of them to do that. When they upset you by making fun, it's a kind of bullying and it's not ok. Your relationship with your boyfriend is a private matter and they don’t have a right to know what happens between the two of you.

From what you’ve told me, having a sexual relationship doesn’t feel right for you at this time and that’s absolutely fine. It’s such an important decision and I think you are sensible to consider it carefully. Not having sex until you want to doesn’t mean you are a “lightweight”, it means you are someone who respects yourself and your body and wants to make positive choices.

I can hear that your boyfriend might feel ready for sex, but that shouldn’t affect your thoughts about whether this is the right time for you. We are all different and will feel ready for new experiences at our own pace. Starting a sexual relationship should always be a joint decision. It might be a good idea to talk to your boyfriend some more about this so he fully understands how you feel. It is also important to talk, because when the time is right for you both, you need to be sure about who will take responsibility for contraception.

Well done for thinking this through and if you want to talk some more about it, then you can speak to a ChildLine counsellor for free, by ringing 0800 1111, or logging in for a 1-2-1 chat online, which works a bit like instant messenger.

The Explore section has some really useful information about sex and relationships and you might want to check that out. You might also want to look at the message boards, to read other young people’s questions and advice about sex.

Thanks again for your letter.

Take really good care.


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