Ask Sam letter

Asker

To Sam

Has my best friend secretly dumped me

i really like my best friend and am loyal to her, though she is popular so i am usually second best. And if we are playing a game like Chinease Whispers she would mix the word up even though she heard it right,just to be funny.if she is talking to someone and i dont know them(as in on youtube) and i ask who are they she just says  "nothing" and it is REALLY annoying. if i ever try to break up with her it would last for one day then she would pretend that everything is Okay.I dont really have anyone to replace her with .if we play a game in school she is always centre of attention and I just have to tag along because the whole class plays the game cos they`re very popular. we have a foreign girl in our class just for the end of the school year and she asked me first to be best friends and when we told my best friend she asked if they could be best friends aswell and now they are and now AGAIN i am second best because they exclude me but not too much. Sam, do you think there is a way of (a) getting her to explain a little bit ,(b)break up with her gently WITHOUT getting our parents involved because they will ask questions and we have been best friends since nursery. please help Sam
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi,

Everyone always has the right to choose their friends. Nobody has the right to force you to stay in a friendship that is making you feel unhappy or left out.

It seems like you might compare yourself to this friend a lot, but it’s good to remember that we’re all different and it’s not healthy to compare yourself to someone else. When someone’s confidence and self-esteem is low they might not be able to see themselves as others see them. 

It could be that your friend is unaware of how you feel. Explaining how you feel in an assertive and clear way can help someone understand how their words and actions affect you. Being assertive is explaining how you feel and what you need without being rude or aggressive.

If you want to leave a friendship it’s important not to be nasty to anyone. You can get along with someone and hang out in the same group as them without being really close friends.

ChildLine’s ‘top tips for making friends’ page helps people think about making new friends. This could be people from other classes at school that you meet in after school or lunchtime clubs or people you meet through hobby groups and shared interests.

Don’t forget that you can always talk to a ChildLine counsellor any time and that you have a safe place to talk confidentially.

Take care,
Sam

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small.

Write me a letter