Ask Sam letter


To Sam


I really really love this girl and she says she likes me the same way but she starts flirting and getting closer to other boys around me, am i getting jeolous or being a control freak, she gets so close to them that they almost kiss and i dont know what to do, do I break up with her to  stop this or just ignore this, we have been going out for 3 weeks now.
Ask Sam



Thanks for your letter. It sounds like you have pretty mixed feelings about your relationship at the moment. I can hear that you really love this girl but at the same time her behaviour is obviously upsetting you.

It‘s quite early in your relationship and I’m wondering if you have been able to tell her about how you feel. It can often be a good idea throughout a relationship to discuss what you are both hoping for, that way you can make sure you that you want similar things.

From what you’ve said, it seems like you’re not sure if you’re being unfair to get jealous of her flirting. Different people will have different feelings about what kind of behaviour counts as flirting, so it’s important to talk things like this through with a partner. A girlfriend or boyfriend should always be considerate of the other person’s feelings and be willing to listen to their point of view. Some people don’t see any harm in a little bit of flirting, but it doesn’t seem unreasonable to ask your girlfriend not to get so close to other boys that she’s almost kissing them.

You’ve asked me whether you should break up with her or just ignore what’s happening. It’s important for you to do what feels right for you. It seems like right now you might feel a bit confused about what you really want. You don’t have to make any decisions right away. If you feel like you and your girlfriend like and respect each other, and enjoy each other’s company, then that would be a good start. If your girlfriend continues to flirt with other boys, even when she knows it upsets you, then you need to decide if staying with her is going to be a positive thing for you.

You might find it helpful to read the relationships page in the Explore section, or post on the message boards to ask other young people for their opinions. Talking to a ChildLine counsellor can often help people understand their feelings, helping them work out what they want to happen next. You are welcome to talk to a counsellor anytime by calling 0800 1111 (calls are free, even from mobiles) or logging on for a 1-2-1 chat online.

Take care,


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