Ask Sam letter

Asker

To Sam

Depressed

Dear Sam,

in march 2015 a boy started to talk to me on snapchat. I didn't like him for a long while in that way, but he did. He told me he'd never hurt me or leave me and convinced me that he was the one for me. I eventually gave in, our conversations were long, 7 hour phone calls and what not. He asked to come to my house and I said yes, nothing happened, we just had fun.

This boy started to mention that he did want sex and things like that and at first I wasn't keen at all. I initially said no and he was alright with that. We kept talking and meeting up and then one day things led to another. Not sex but other things. He told me he'd love me more if I kept doing these things

I did continue to do things and instead of him looking after me and never leaving me, he started to hit me, punch me and sometimes kick me. He convinced me and said I made him do these things to me and I believed him. He pressured me into sex and I went along with it because I thought he'd like me more  he never asked me out 

now he's going out with another girl even though he came to my house a week ago. He claimes he never liked me in the first place and because I am a year younger, I was easy to fool.

What should I do, I'm really upset and I keep crying uncontrollably

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Sometimes when we like someone very much we feel as though we can allow them to say or do things we usually would not want to do. Often things can go from small asks or favours to gradually asking for more as time goes by and this can leave us feeling upset or used. Nobody deserves to be treated this way.

Being pressured into having sex and being physically hurt are both types of abuse and should not happen to anyone. It’s never someone’s fault if they are being abused, and there are laws to protect young people from this happening.

You had the right to be respected when you were saying “no” - your body belongs to you and you have a right to decide what happens with it. You should never be made to feel as though you have to do something against your will.

This was an abusive relationship – and that can be hard to think about. One of the hardest things is that they are difficult to recognise when you’re in it. Usually other people are able to see it easier – perhaps you could think about telling someone you trust what he did to you and seeing how they react to that.

Leaving an abusive relationship can be hard but it can also mean that things change. You can get support and it’s important to remember to keep your self-esteem strong. You can boost your self esteem by spending your time with people who love you for who you are and who don’t mistreat you.

You deserve to be in a safe, fulfilling relationship - and you have taken a really good first step sending me this letter. It’s important you know that you are not alone and can tell a counsellor more any time.

Thanks for your letter.

Take care,
Sam

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