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To Sam

Crush complications

Dear Sam,

I've had feelings for a boy I know recently, and I've known him since early this year. It had become a major issue for my friend, as he had become what he had called a 'middle man'. A few nights ago, I was extremely tired and slightly upset, and told my friend he may as well tell my crush I liked him, because I didn't care though I did; I was simply too tired at the time. I didn't actually want him to find out because I wanted to get to know him as a friend first.

However, my friend told him last night, and my crush was extremely confused at first, because he thought I was dating his friend, though he was actually just like a brother to me. He was then mad at our friend, and had a 2-hour conversation with him about it all, with my friend trying to convince him to give it a try.

I accept that the conversation was in private and don't want to pry information out of my friend, as my crush had told him personal stories. My crush finds it impossible for a girl to ever like him, though, when we first met, he had a crush on me. My friend was told to tell me that my crush wanted to get to know me better first before thinking about any sort of relationship.

We all go to the same school, and I suffer from severe paranoia and anxiety, meaning when I arrived there today, I felt extremely awkward and avoided eye contact. But, I felt that he was doing the same thing as if he had left the room just to get away. I feel it may just be me being extremely awkward, I don't know if I can face him. What should I do? I feel that he doesn't want to talk to me about it. Should I just wait it out?

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Things can get confusing when other people pass on messages for us or become involved in something private. Feelings that are so personal like this are often best dealt with between the people involved, and when someone else is part of it then it can make things complicated. The best way to avoid misunderstandings is to communicate and be open.

It’s okay to talk to friends about how we have a crush on someone else. Sometimes it can feel like getting them to talk to a crush for us is an easy way to find out how they feel – but it can make things confusing.

It might be that your crush doesn’t want to talk about what’s happened, but you won’t know that unless you try. Try to keep it simple by asking him if he wants to talk about what’s gone on and letting him decide if he wants to do that or not. This means he’s in control of that and if he says no, then that could be a sign that perhaps a relationship is not what he wants right now.

If he does agree to talk, it could be a good opportunity to say how you feel and find out whether you can get to know each other better. From what he said to your friend it sounds like he wants to be friends first, but hearing that from him direct could help that friendship begin.

It’s hard to face up to difficult conversations like these, but try to focus on how it will feel once everything is out in the open between you and you are not left wondering.

You can talk to our counsellors about how you feel or get support from other people on our message boards.

I hope this helps. Thanks for the letter,

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