Ask Sam letter

Hi,

Thank you for your letter. In the UK, someone has to be 16 or older to have sex. This includes sexual intercourse of all kinds and oral sex (sucking or licking private parts).

It’s natural for people under 16 to have thoughts and feelings around sex, especially when you are going through puberty, but that doesn’t change the law. The reason the age someone is able to consent (say yes) to having sex is set at 16 is because this is when most people are old enough to make decisions about sex.

Remember that being old enough to choose to have sex doesn’t mean you’re ready for it emotionally. Many people are not ready to have sex at 16 and decide to wait longer before they do. You’re the only one who can and should decide whether you are ready to have sex.

Nobody should ever feel forced or pressured into having sex or doing anything sexual and this includes the person you are thinking of having sex with. Both people in the relationship should feel comfortable and it’s always good to be able to talk openly with each other about sex. This page on ‘Are you ready for sex’ helps someone decide whether they are ready to make a decision around sex. 

When someone has sex they put themselves at risk of passing sexually transmitted infections. It’s important to think about contraception and proctection - for two men this would be using a condom. You can find out more about safe sex and having sex for the first time from Brook.

It’s good to remember there is a lot involved in having a relationship with another person and it’s not just about sex. It might be worth thinking about what feels important to you in a relationship and what you would like your relationships to be like.

You can share your thoughts on our message boards and you can talk to our counsellors for support. 

Take care,

Sam