Ask Sam letter

Asker

To Sam

Boy Troubles

i like this boy but he keeps asking me to do things with him but im only 12 nearly 13 and hes 14, but if i mess it up then i might never get a chance......... i really don't know?
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Thank you for your letter. I’m really glad that you decided to get in contact with me about this. It sounds like you are feeling quite confused at the moment and you’re not sure what to do.

You’ve told me that you like this boy and it seems as though you would like to get to know him better. You’ve also told me that you’re still 12, so I’m really concerned that this boy is asking you to do things. You haven’t said exactly what those things are but I am guessing they might be sexual things. At 12, the law says that you’re not old enough to be able to agree to do anything sexual. The law is there to help protect you. It means that if you did do anything with him while you were still 12, he could be arrested by the police. You wouldn’t be in any trouble with the police though, because they would say that you were too young to be able to make a proper choice about what happened with him.

You might want to think about discussing your feelings with this boy. It’s really important that you always feel comfortable and ready for anything that you decide to do together. It’s also important that he respects any decisions you make. I can hear you are worried about messing it up if you don’t do things. Relationships should be about trust, respect and kindness. This boy should be happy to wait for you to be older before even asking you about making the relationship a sexual one. Even when you are older, nobody is ever allowed to pressurise you into doing anything that you don’t feel ready for and you always have a right to say no at any point.  For a bit more information, you could have a look at the Relationships page in Explore.

Sometimes discussing your thoughts and feelings with someone outside the situation can help you to feel clearer. I wonder if there is an older friend, or an adult that you trust? You are very welcome to come and talk to a ChildLine counsellor at any point. You can do that by calling free (even from a mobile) on 0800 1111, or by 1-2-1 chat (which works a bit like instant messenger). I hope this helps.

Take care,

Sam

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