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To Sam


My ex bf is blackmailing me to have sex with him or he said he will tell everyone what I've been texting him I told him that I wouldn't have sex with him  is that a right thing to do but I don't want to lose my friend cuz when they find out they will not be my friends anymore they will hate me I don't know what I should do he said sex or he'll tell everyone what I've been texting him I thought he love me he didn't he only wanted me 4 one thing.can u give me advise should I tell my friends the truth about what's going on.
Ask Sam



Thank you for your message, you have been really brave to write to me and to share a bit about what is happening for you at the moment.

I am really concerned to hear that your ex-boyfriend is blackmailing you, what he is doing is wrong and you deserve to be supported.

I imagine that it might have been quite upsetting and hurtful when he started to blackmail you, as you thought that he loved you, but I can hear now you feel he only wants one thing, sex.

You have done the right thing by telling him that you wouldn’t have sex with him. It can be important to think about ways that you can support yourself and keep yourself safe. For example telling an adult that you trust about what is happening and trying to stay away from your ex-boyfriend.

Your ex-boyfriend is saying that he will tell everyone what you have been texting him and you are worried about losing your friends as you feel that they will hate you. It might be helpful to think about what makes you feel your friends would hate you, and maybe the idea that no matter what you said good friends should support you. You could think about how you want your friends to find out, from him or whether you could say something first in the way that you want, so that you have some control over what your friends know about the situation.

You asked if you should tell your friends the truth about what is going on. Talking to people about what is happening can be really helpful, it can be a good way of getting support and expressing how you feel but it can also allow other people, like your friends, to try and understand. Sometimes unless you try to tell someone something they may not know or realise how you are feeling and what is going on. If talking to your friends face to face is difficult maybe you could think about the idea of writing them a letter.

Keeping the text messages that your ex-boyfriend is sending where he is black mailing you can be important as it can be shown as evidence if you decide to talk to someone.

No one has the right to try and force you to do anything that you do not want to do or feel uncomfortable with. This is a form of abuse. You might like to have a look at our bullying webpage as threatening and intimidating is a form of bullying. It has lots of information, you may also find it helpful to read about the different forms of abuse.

It sounds like you are dealing with a lot at the moment. What is happening is not your fault; you deserve all the support you would like. Maybe you might like to speak more about what is happening with a ChildLine counsellor. ChildLine has a free helpline you could call on 0800 11 11 that will not appear on the phone bill or you could log on for a 1-2-1 chat with a counsellor which is a bit like instant messenger.

Well done for writing and take care.


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