Ask Sam letter

Asker

To Sam

Abused by boyfriend

Warning: This letter contains sexual content or information that some people may find upsetting – remember that you can contact ChildLine at any time on 0800 1111.

Hi sam, I was online and met a guy who I thought was 14, like me. He asked for a naked picture so I sent him one and he asked to meet the next day so we met at a hotel in town but he turned out to be a 27 year old man with a 15 year old girl with him. He took us to a room. He got us to the room and told us to get naked and if we refused he would hit us and we couldn't scream or he would hit us so we stayed quiet and got naked. He took each of us in the bathroom one at a time and took a picture of our privates. He said he was going out and not to leave, He locked the door. When he returned he had two other men with him and they looked the same age as him. He told us the men were here to have sex with us and we had to have sex or he would rape us. I had sex with one and the girl had sex with the other, Then they told me and the girl to have sex. We hesitated but we did it and then the guy we met with gave us our clothes back and told us to leave. We got ready and left as quick as possible. Were we raped?

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Thank you for having the courage to write to me.

What these men did to you and the other girl was very wrong. What you’ve described is having sex when you did not want to– and this is rape. This was not your fault and you're not in trouble.

Sexual abuse is when a child or young person is pressurised, forced or tricked into taking part in any kind of sexual activity with an adult or another young person. It sounds like this man, who you thought was 14 like you, groomed you online to make friends with you and to build up your trust in him so that you’d meet him and then he and the other men could abuse you. This behaviour by all of the men is against the law.

It's good that you have talked to me about what happened and to check it out but I wonder if you've spoken to anyone else about your situation and what they have suggested you do?

I know you're in a very difficult situation, but it'd be good to report what happened to the police if you feel able to and give them as much identifying information as you can about the men. You can contact them on the CEOP website or by phoning their non-emergency number 101. It could be that you still have the online details of the guy you became friends with online and keeping these messages and all the information for the police would be helpful.

From your message it’s unclear whether the men used condoms when they raped you. If they didn’t then it’s very important that you get yourself checked out for sexually transmitted infections (STI’s) and pregnancy.

It’s always important to think carefully about who you talk to and what details you share with them online. If you send any pictures or images to people online, you lose control of them and have no idea what the other person may do with them. If you ever decide to meet someone after talking online, take a friend with you and always meet in a public place. You can find out more about online safety.

There's a lot of information in my letter and it feels like it could be worrying and confusing for you. I want to encourage you to contact a counsellor so that you can talk things through with someone confidentially. A counsellor will talk to you about what happened and support you with the next steps to take.

Take care for now,
Sam

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