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To Sam

Sexual abuse

My friend got sexually abused .He had a girlfreind .They were ok until she went to America .She started wanting to do stuff with him .2 months later she came back . I think they slept with each other.Hes my best freind he tells me everything even this.

A few months later on my birthday he asked me on a date (he dumped her ) I was so happy until i looked on his phone it said thing like wish you were here i love you i want to kiss you and things like that it had pictures as well.

I saw him crying in the corner .He said that she was hitting him . She did that because we were dating .She sent threats as well.

They sorted this out a month later.What advice would you give to people in this situation.

Yours sincerely

A*****

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

It can be really difficult to learn that someone we know is going through a hard time, especially if they’ve been dealing with something difficult on their own or they’ve been afraid or embarrassed to ask for help. But you’ve done the right thing in looking for ways to help your friend.

It sounds like your friend was not in a very healthy relationship. It’s wrong for anyone to pressure another person into anything or hurt or threaten them. Relationships should be with someone who cares about you enough to not make you do anything you’re not happy about.

If someone deliberately hurts or injures you or another person, this is physical abuse. And if someone threatens someone else, this is emotional abuse. No one has the right to hurt another person and no matter what the situation, it is always wrong.

Different kinds or abuse can happen in a relationship. And it can be really hard for the person being abused to know where or how to get help. In some cases, they may be threatened or told no one will believe them to stop them telling anyone about what’s going on. This can be a very frightening a lonely place and it’s really important they get help.

When friends are going through difficult times there are things you can do to help, like letting them know you’re there for them and will listen to them when they feel ready to talk. You can also encourage them to talk to an adult they trust like a parent or a teacher.

It’s important for others to speak out and to get help or offer support to those in abusive relationships. But it’s a good idea to consider what might happen if others find out. It’s okay if they don’t feel ready for that yet, they can get support from one of our counsellors by calling 0800 1111 or logging on for a 1-2-1 counsellor chat. Supporting someone can be really hard, so it's important you get help too and we are also here for you too.

You and your friend can get more help and advice about relationship abuse from Disrespect NoBody.

Take care,

Sam

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