Ask Sam letter


To Sam

my granddad

my name is s*****

when i was 8-9 years old my grandad sexually abused me and ever since he has been groaping me, part of my family know what hes like but they wont let me tell anyone because it will split the family up, what should i do?

Ask Sam


Hi S*****,

Thank you for your letter, you’ve done so well to talk about being sexually abused.  You’re doing the right thing talking about it. What your granddad has been doing is really wrong and he should not be doing it. You don’t deserve to be treated like this.

Sometimes people who are being abused can worry about telling anyone in case it affects the family. I can understand this feeling as it sounds like there are people in your family who have put pressure on you to stay silent. It’s wrong of your family to know about the abuse that is happening to you and not to do anything to stop it. You are worth being protected and kept safe. 

If you were to tell someone and it caused problems within the family, then that would not be your fault – it would be your granddad’s fault. He is an adult and he knows what he is doing is wrong. He is the one who is responsible – not you. Abuse is wrong, but you are not wrong.

You have the right to talk to someone you trust about what’s happening. This could be a teacher, a friend, a youth-worker or social services – they can help you and your family change things. It might help to write down what you would like to say to someone. If you’d like more help with how to talk about it, you can talk to a Childline counsellor. It could really help to talk about how you feel. If ever you feel unsafe or in danger you can call 999 for help.

Hope this helps.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.

Write me a letter