Ask Sam letter


To Sam

my family problems

recently I have been feeling extremely depressed about a lot of things but mainly my brother who last year on the 30th may got arrested which put a lot of stress on me and my family. I was really upset as it was around a week after my birthday and he decided to mess up everything and mug someone. he was prosecuted and was locked up until the 2nd of January. At this point my dad (my parents are divorced) kind of pushed me aside and forgot about me for a while. He then decided to make matters worse a couple of weeks later by getting himself arrested once again. He was put in prison for the lead up to his sentence as they didn't trust him to go on bail. This made matters worse for everyone so again my dad pushed me and my older brother aside again to focus on him so we were forgotten about and neglected. My dad now makes me feel like rubbish about not wanted to go over but all he does when I'm there is leave me with my grandparents and he goes out drinking. My brother is no longer in prison so things are getting better slowly, but as I'm the only girl with 4 brothers so Im used to being treated roughly I just can't think straight at the moment and I feel like none of my friends like me anymore. While I'm writing this I'm at a sleepover with 2 people who act like they don't like me and they are totally blanking me. they are making me sleep on the floor while they sleep together in the bed and I know that's not really serious but they are all planning things behind my back and I've had enough. I just jad to tell someone.
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Feeling lonely and rejected is always difficult, but even more so when you don’t feel able to turn to anyone at home or to your friends. Always remember that you do matter and that you deserve to be around people who care about you.

When someone goes to prison it doesn’t just affect them. It also affects a lot of people around them. It’s easy to understand that if someone breaks the law they go to prison as a punishment, but often that punishment can make things harder for that person’s friends and family who haven’t done anything wrong.

Your brother’s actions have meant that you feel forgotten about, but your father is responsible for this too. It’s wrong of him to try and make you feel guilty about not going over, when all he does is go out drinking when you’re there.

A good way of showing this is to keep track of every time he does something like this to you. You could try to do this in a really visible way such as keeping a jar. Every time you feel let down by him, put a penny into the jar. When you can show him a jar full of coins, that might get him to realise how often he lets you down.

However, what’s important in the short term is that you feel good about yourself and have people around you who feel the same. True friends will always be there for you, but sometimes people need to be told that their actions are hurting you. I would try to talk to each of your friends separately about what’s going on for you and how left out you feel. Be sure to let them know how much you want their support, and also how you will be there for them when they need you. If this doesn’t have any effect then it’s time to meet some new people. You deserve real friends.

Friends and family relationships can be complex so it might be good to speak to a counsellor about this in more detail, but I hope this has helped in the meantime.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.

Write me a letter