Ask Sam letter


To Sam

My Brother

Hi, my brother is 19 and I'm 15 and he really scares me sometimes.

we would just be talking and getting along and then he'd just flip and start yelling at me and throwing things and sometimes hitting me. My mum knows what he is like and he constantly steals money from us all and has been taking out extra loans on top of his student loan. My family is really low on money due to an accident my dad had at work he's a civil servant but they try so hard to pay for everything we need and my brother is constantly throwing it away and abusing me and my mum she can't take it anymore either and I just don't know what to do.

Now it's Halloween break I'm alone in the house with my brother as my parents are working and even today he already shouted at me and ripped things off my door. I'm quite scared and can't go downstairs because he will just start on me again.

what do I do?

Ask Sam


Hi there,

It isn’t okay for brother to hit you, throw things at you or make you feel scared. It sounds like his behaviour could make home a really scary and unpredictable place to be.

When you wrote your letter to me, you were alone with your brother and feeling frightened. If you ever felt like you were in danger at home, it would be okay for you to call the police by dialling 999. Your brother is an adult now and responsible for the decisions he makes about how to behave.

You’ve asked what you should do and this isn’t something that I can tell you, but you do have some options. Sometimes it can help when someone at school knows what things are like for you at home. But if your teachers knew that somebody at home was being so abusive, they might talk to social services about your safety. That might mean that social services could talk to you and your family about support that might be available work with your family to make sure that home is a safe place for you.

When an adult in your home is being abusive, this is called domestic violence. There’s a website called the Hideout which has lots of information and advice for young people in situations like yours. You might also find that our families message boards are supportive community and you may find that by posting something about your own situation, others will share similar experiences and lend support.

Whatever happens and whatever you decide, it’s always okay for you to talk to one of our counsellors about what’s happening so that they can support you and help you to explore all your options.

Take care,

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