Ask Sam letter


To Sam


Hello sam,

my name is N*, i was adopted from India when i was a baby and i feel as if i am giving my adoption parents a hard time. My GCSE's are quite hard and my parents feel as if i am not trying and always shout at me. I feel like i just wish they never adopted me in the first place and i was back in India so i could not cause harm or stress to them. Would appreciatiate it if you wrote back.
Thanks, N*

Ask Sam


Hi N*,

Thank you for your letter and telling me how things are for you.

From your letter you sound like someone who cares about their parents, doesn’t want to let them down and doesn’t want to cause them extra stress. But there’s a lot that’s hard for you right now – your GCSEs, being shouted at by your parents and being told you’re not trying hard enough.

All of this can be so difficult in a birth family, but I think that some people who have been adopted can feel even more of a disappointment to their parents when things don't go as well as they'd hoped. Perhaps that’s why you’ve told me you wish you were back in your birth country, India.

There are many reasons parents might have high standards about school work for their child. When that makes a young person feel he or she isn’t loved or good enough, that can be very hard. I wonder if your parents know you’ve sometimes thought they’d be better off without you in their lives. That might be a very hard thing to tell them, but I wonder if ChildLine could help you find a way you might try to do that. Also, I wonder if they know the last thing you want to do is cause them disappointment and stress.

No one likes being shouted at, and it certainly can make a young person feel unwanted or unloved. Though each situation is different, it might be good to remember that it's not always what parents are trying to get across when they keep saying “try harder”.

N*, I’d really like you to have a chance to talk more about your relationship with your parents, being adopted, as well as all others ways that life is stressful for you right now. Perhaps you can phone us on 0800 1111 or have a 1-2-1 chat with one of the ChildLine counsellors. If you haven’t already looked at it, there are sections on Family relationships and Exam stress in Explore as well as the ChildLine message boards, where young people support each other on lots of different issues.

Remember that you don't have to go through what you're feeling alone. We're here for you.

Take care,


Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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