When someone dies

Grieving and dealing with loss

The death of someone you care about can be very difficult. These feelings are sometimes called grief. It's natural to have strong reactions when someone you love or are close to dies.

You might feel:

like you can't handle things
confused
scared, numb or that you've lost control
worried that you may never feel okay again.

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to feel better straight away. These feelings will change over time. It's important to try to accept how you feel.

You might also be upset about the death of an animal or pet. Or when someone's still alive but you're not able to see or talk to them anymore. This can hurt as much as a relative or friend dying.

4 things to remember

There's no right or wrong way to feel.
It's okay to ask questions or need help.
You're not alone, it's okay to talk and we're here to listen.
It can take time, but things can get easier.

Coping with grief and loss

Coping when someone dies

It’s natural to have times when it’s hard to cope or deal with death, especially when it’s someone close to you, it’s been sudden or you’re going through a lot of changes.

You can’t take the feelings away, but there are things that can help you get through a tough time:

Talk about it

Talking about what happened can help you make sense of things and realise that you’re not alone. It can take time to open up to people, but if you’re scared or sharing things in your life then it can help to talk to a Childline counsellor first.

Get support with grief

Grief is a natural process that many people go through after someone dies. Not everyone experiences grief in the same way, but it’s okay to get support with it. If you would like support, we’ve got lots of advice on how to cope with these feelings.

Make time to remember someone

There are lots of ways to remember someone and what they meant to you. Having a funeral or ceremony is a way to take time to remember and say goodbye to someone who’s died, but there are other ways to help remember someone as well.

Everyone is different, but you might want to try:

Creating a memory box
Arranging times to speak to family or friends about the person you lost
Writing or recording memories you have of them
Donating to charity, fundraising or volunteering in their honour

Coping with loss and grief

When someone dies or you’ve experienced a loss, it can be hard to cope with or know what to do. We’re here to help you.

don't know who to
talk to
about this

If you're struggling to cope after someone has died, we can support you.

Feelings after someone has died

Content warning: This section includes mentions of suicide.

There’s no right or wrong way to feel after someone dies, and everyone can react differently. You might feel:

Shocked, numb or empty
Overwhelmed, upset or depressed
Angry
Guilty
Scared or confused
Relieved
Nothing at all

How you’re feeling can change from moment to moment. Nobody can tell you how you should feel, but it can be hard to express yourself when people tell you to move on or are reacting differently to you.

If you’re feeling alone after someone dies or you’re worried about being honest about how you feel, then it can help to find a space that you feel comfortable to talk. You could try speaking to an adult you trust, or post anonymously on the message boards . Talking to Childline can give you a space to be honest, without worrying about how it’ll affect other people.

Losing a parent or carer

Losing your parent or carer can feel overwhelming, and like you’ve lost a huge part of your life. How you’re feeling can change constantly, and there might be times when you don’t feel anything at all.

Having a death in your family can also mean changes for you. You might struggle with:

Arguments at home, or people struggling because they cope with loss differently
Having to move, change routines, or spend time with other family members
Needing to take on more responsibility at home, or being a young carer
Worrying about the future, or what else might happen.

How you’re feeling and what you want is important. It can help to think about ways to remember the person who died, and to find someone you trust to speak to.

When an online friend dies

Losing a friend you know online can be just has hard to losing someone in your life, but it can sometimes feel harder to explain it others. You might be worried about them not taking you seriously because you didn’t know them in person.

Sometimes a friend you only know online can disappear, and you might be worried about whether they’ve died or been hurt. It can be tough not having the answers.

However you’ve lost someone, it’s important to give yourself time and get support. You might find it helpful to speak to other people who were also online friends with them. You could also speak to an adult you trust about how you feel, or to a Childline counsellor.

Coping after a pet dies

It can be really upsetting if you lose a pet, whether this is because they have died, gone missing or had to be rehomed.

Your pet might have given you comfort and friendship, and it’s normal to experience grief when they are no longer there.

You might find it hard to talk about what’s happened or worry that others won’t take you seriously. Losing a pet can be as tough as losing a person, so it’s important to be kind to yourself and get the support you need.

You might like to speak to an adult you trust about how you’re feeling. The Childline counsellors are also here to listen to you and support you.

Losing someone to suicide

When someone takes their own life, it can often leave you questioning why it happened, or if it could have been stopped. Some people ask themselves whether they could have done anything differently, or if they should have seen the signs.

The questions people ask themselves often won’t have an answer, which can make it feel harder to move on or cope. Someone dying can affect you no matter how it happens, but suicide can sometimes make it feel harder to talk about.

There are lots of feelings you might be having right now, you could be:

scared or worried about how other people might react
angry at the person who died
guilty or ashamed about things you feel you could’ve done differently
confused about why they took their own life
feeling rejected or ignored by the person who died
numb or relieved about someone’s suffering being over.

Whatever you’re feeling, it’s important to remember that you deserve support with it. Sometimes it can feel hard to tell others that someone has died by suicide, especially when you’re worried about how they’ll react. If you’re struggling to talk to people in your life, it’s okay to talk to us .

If you’ve been feeling suicidal yourself, or you’re having thoughts about harming yourself then it’s also important to get support. You can speak to a Childline counsellor about it, or to an adult you trust .

Funerals and saying goodbye to someone who has died

Funerals and memorial services

A funeral is a ceremony for friends and family to celebrate the life of the person who has died and to say goodbye to them.

There are lots of different kinds of funeral. People might say a little about the person who died or there might be music or poetry. Funerals can be religious and they might involve prayers but they don't have to be. After a funeral, the person who died will often be buried or cremated.

Going to a funeral might feel scary or overwhelming, especially if it's for someone you were close to. You might not be sure if you want to go or if you'll be allowed to. But if you do decide to go, it can help you to say goodbye to someone who has died.

It's important to think about whether you would like to go to a funeral. You could decide to go for the whole thing or just part of the ceremony. Sometimes it can help to ask an adult you trust or a friend to help support you on the day or answer questions if you're not sure what to do.

If you don't want to go, or you're not allowed, it can sometimes help to have a say in what happens at the funeral. You could suggest a song or poem that the person who died would have liked, or help plan what will happen.

Burials and cremations

At the end of a funeral, the person who has died may be buried or cremated.

When someone who has died is buried, they’ll be taken in a coffin to a cemetery or churchyard. The coffin will be lowered into a hole in the ground and it’ll be covered with earth. Often family and friends are allowed to gather round as it’s lowered.

After, a headstone with their name is put down to mark the spot.

At a cremation, the coffin will be taken away at the end of the service (either behind a curtain or lowered down). The coffin and the body will be burned until only ashes remain. The family will be given the ashes later on. Some people keep the ashes in an urn, others might choose to bury or scatter them somewhere special.

Cremations and burials can bring up lots of feelings. If you want to talk about what’s happened, or about the person who has died, we’re here for you.

Remembering someone who has died

Lots of people worry about forgetting someone who has died. It can help to collect things that help remind you of the person, like photos, gifts or small things like photos of places you’ve been together. You can keep these in a box or a safe place and take out a reminder any time you want.

You might want to visit the grave or the place the ashes were scattered. But sometimes this can feel scary. If you’re not sure, it can help to ask an adult you trust.

You may find that birthdays and special events are times when you miss them most. But doing something to remember them on the day can really help.

When you can't go to a funeral

There can be lots of reasons that you’re not able to attend a funeral or service for someone who’s died. You might decide not to go or be told that you’re not allowed to. There are times when it’s not possible to attend, for example if it’s too far to travel. Sometimes it’s possible to live-stream a funeral, but not always.

If you wanted to attend a funeral but you weren’t able to, it can help to think about other ways you could say goodbye or stay involved. If you were close to the person, you could ask for a specific piece of music or a message to be read out during the funeral.

Even if you’re not at the funeral, it’s okay to make time yourself to say goodbye to the person. Try planning some time to focus and reflect on what the person meant to you, it can help as well to ask others to join you, so you can all talk about the person.

Not wanting to go to a funeral

There are lots of reasons you might not want to go to a funeral or service. You might be worried about the service itself or feel overwhelmed about it. If you have difficult or negative feelings about the person who died, you might not want to take part in anything to do with their death.

If you’re struggling with the idea of going, it can help to speak to someone you trust about the reasons you don’t want to go, to help you make your own decision. Remember, you can always speak to us about it .

Helping someone else

Supporting someone going through a bereavement can be tough, especially if you’re struggling yourself. It’s important to remember that grieving together can be a way to help you both cope.

If you want to support someone else, there are things you can do:

let them know that you're there to listen to them
give them space if they want to be alone
make time and be there for them if they want to cry or talk about their feelings
support them to remember the person who died
remind them that there's no right or wrong way to feel, that it can take time to feel differently, and that it's okay if they're still struggling
help with practical things, like chores, food, or even a cup of tea.

Find out more about supporting a friend.