Relationships

Starting your first relationship

There’s no right or wrong time to start a relationship. And deciding whether you want to get together with someone should always be your choice. It’s important to think about what makes you happy, especially if you’re feeling pressured by other people.

Remember that relationships don’t all look the same, so what you want might be different to what someone else wants. If you’re ever worried or unsure, you can talk to us.

Deciding whether to ask someone out? We’ve got lots of advice to help:

How to tell someone you like them

Liking or having a crush on someone can bring up lots of feelings. You might be excited, worried about being rejected or you might be embarrassed.

When you like someone and you want them to know, there are a few things you can do to make it easier:

Spend time together
Getting to know someone can help you decide whether you want to ask them out, and can help you see whether they like spending time with you too.
Think about what they’d want
It’s not always a good time to ask someone out or tell them you like them. Think about how they might feel, and don’t do anything that would make someone else feel uncomfortable.
Build your confidence
Feeling good about yourself can help you to feel more confident and able to share how you feel. We’ve got lots of advice on building confidence and self-esteem.
Be casual
Keep your other interests and spend time with other people as well as talking to the person you like.
Ask for advice
Ask your friends or someone you trust what they think, or get tips from message boards.

Starting out in a new relationship

Every relationship is different, so it’s important to think about what you’re both comfortable with. It can help to focus on just being yourself and doing things you both enjoy while you get to know each other.

Even when a relationship is exciting, remember to keep spending time with your friends, family and the other people you care about. And if something makes you feel uncomfortable or confused, then it’s okay to talk about what's happening to someone you trust or a Childline counsellor.

Get more advice on how to tell the difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship.

Coping with rejection

Being rejected can be tough. You might feel embarrassed, hurt, or like you’ve done something wrong. But there are ways to build yourself back up again.

Spend time with other people
Keep in touch with friends and people you care about, even if you don’t want to see them in person.
Think about what you like about yourself
Write a list of good things people might say about you, big of small. Then choose one or two things, and write some more about them.
Remember a rejection isn’t about you
Be kind to yourself. People can choose to not start a relationship for lots of reasons, and it doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you.
Accept it
If someone says that they don’t want a relationship, it’s important to respect their decision and not make them feel pressured or bad for that.

If you’re struggling to cope, it can help to talk to an adult you trust or to a Childline counsellor.

5 things to remember about relationships:

Whether you want to be in a relationship is always your choice
There are lots of different types of relationship, and every relationship is different
It can help to learn about healthy and unhealthy relationships
You can get relationship advice from the message boards any time
If you’re worried, Childline’s here to support you

feeling
pressured

Get advice on what makes a relationship healthy or unhealthy

Breaking up with someone

Break-ups can be hard for everyone involved, but sometimes they can also feel like a relief. Whether you want to break up or you’re being broken up with, there are ways to cope.

Telling someone you want to break up

If you’re thinking about breaking up with someone, we’ve got advice to help:

try doing it face to face if you can and it feels safe to
practice being assertive and explaining the reasons you want to end the relationship and think about what you’ll be asked
make a plan of what to do if the other person takes it badly or it doesn’t go well
don’t make promises you can’t keep, like saying you’ll stay friends
arrange a time to get back your belongings and return theirs
plan what you’ll do afterwards, and think about whether you want to talk to someone you trust about how it went

If you're scared about what would happen if you tried to end your relationship, speak to an adult you trust or get support.

When someone breaks up with you

Being broken up with can bring up lots of reasons, you might be confused, hurt or angry. It can take time to start feeling differently, but you don’t have to cope alone.

If you’re struggling, we’ve got advice to help:

Talk about it
Spend time with people you care about, do something fun together or share how the break-up is affecting you.
Do things that help you feel good
Take time every day to do something you enjoy, or try new activities to build your confidence and self-esteem.
Accept it
If your ex doesn’t want to talk to you, then try to respect that. If you’re struggling, it can help to write down what you’d like to say in a letter that you never send.
Give it time
How you’re feeling might not change straight away, but it can start to feel better in the future.
Take care of yourself
Keeping a healthy routine can help make it easier to cope when you’re feeling low.

What to do if you feel unsafe

You have the right to feel safe in any relationship, that includes when you decide to end it. If someone’s making you feel unsafe in a relationship, that can be abuse and there are ways to get support.

Get support
Talk to an adult you trust about what’s happening and how they can support you. Or talk to a Childline counsellor about the best ways to get support.
Make a plan
Plan how you want to break up with someone, any of your belongings you need to get before you do and where you can go to keep safe if needed. It can help to tell someone you trust what your plan is so they can support you.
Choose when to do it
Decide when it’s best to get away, and tell someone you trust when you’re going to do break up with someone or leave them.
Get help for afterwards
If someone is making you feel unsafe or pressuring you after a break-up, we’re here to help. Remember that if someone threatens you, it’s okay to call 999.

Relationships and sex

There are lots of things to think about if you’re considering being sexually active in a relationship. It’s important to consider what you’re both comfortable with, and whether you’re feeling pressured or unsure.

If you’re thinking about being sexually active, we’ve got advice to help:

Sex and consent

Find answers to your questions about sex and consent.

Contraception and safe sex

Get the information you need about contraception and find out what’s right for you.

LGBTQ+ Relationships

Every relation is different, and if you identify as LGBTQ+ you’ve still got the right to feel comfortable and respected when you’re in a relationship.

You might be worried about:

Homophobia, biphobia or transphobia around your relationship
How to ask someone out, or worrying about how they’ll react
Being in a relationship when you’re not out
Having for feelings for someone you weren’t expecting to, and what your sexuality is
Asking for support if you need it, especially if people don’t know you’re in a relationship

Whatever’s on your mind, you’re not alone and Childline is here to support you. You can get advice from other young people anonymously on the message boards, or you can talk to a Childline counsellor about anything.

Sexuality

Some people know when they're very young who they fancy. For other people, it's not so simple.

Coming out

Whether you choose to come out or not, we've got advice for you.

Homophobic and transphobic bullying

Bullying is always wrong. Find out how we can help.

Gender identity

Get advice and support about your gender identity.

Long distance relationships

Whether your relationship has always been long distance or you’re trying to stay together after moving away, it can be tough when you can’t see each other very often.

Just like any other relationship, it’s important to make sure you’re not feeling pressured or uncomfortable in your relationship.

Plan things to do together
Schedule time that you can talk or facetime, or plan times that you can watch things together.
Keep talking to other people you care about
Share how you’re feeling with people outside of the relationship, and make time to do things you usually enjoy.
Be careful who you’re talking to
Not everyone is honest about who they are online. Avoid sharing too much personal information, and talk to someone you trust if you’re not sure.
Get support if you’re worried
Even when it’s long distance, there can be signs that a relationship isn’t healthy. If someone says or does something that makes you worried, it’s important to talk about it.
Remember that it’s okay to miss someone
It’s natural to miss someone when you’re so far apart. Keeping pictures and reminders of someone with you can help you keep feeling close.

Am I being used?

Get advice if you're worried about a relationship or friendship.

Grooming

Find out more about grooming and what to do if it's happened.

Age gaps in relationships

Being in a relationship where there’s an age gap isn’t always a big deal. But there are some things to think about.

An age gap can sometimes mean there’s a big difference in what you can do or how much money you have. It’s important to remember that feeling equal and being able to share what you want is an important part of any healthy relationship.

Relationships, sex and the law

It's illegal to have sex or do sexual things without full consent from everyone involved.

It can be a crime to engage in sexual activity with someone if:

they're not able to give or accept consent because they're drunk or they've taken drugs
you're not sure whether someone is consenting
they're worried about being hurt if they don't say yes
you're in a position of trust or power over the other person.

The age of consent is 16. This means that it's illegal to have sex with anyone who's under 16 years old. This is the same no matter what your sexuality or gender is.

It's important to remember that the law is there to protect children and young people, not punish them. If you're both aged 13-15 and you’ve consented to doing things, it's still against the law. But it's less likely that legal action would be taken.

It’s never legal for someone to have any sexual contact with you if you’re under 13. If that’s happened, then we’re here to support you.

When someone over 16 is having sex with someone under 16, they're also breaking the law. They may be arrested even if everyone has consented.

Feeling in control

Having an age gap can sometimes mean that one person feels more in control of what’s happening, but it’s important in any healthy relationship that you both have a say.

It’s important to get support if:

You’re scared or worried about saying what you want
Your partner tries to say who you can see or what you can do
There are times you don’t feel like you can say no
You’re hurt or made to feel uncomfortable

If you’re not feeling in control in your relationship, we’re here to help.

People not approving

It can be really hard if your family or friends don't like your partner. Or if they stop you from being with someone.

You might feel sad, angry, confused or isolated, but there are things you can do to help:

Find out why they think this way
Your family might not agree with the relationship because of their behaviour, age, race, gender, religion or because of other reasons.
Talk about it
Share what you think and give your friends or family time to explain their concerns. It can also help to get advice from someone independent, like a teacher.
Talk to us
Speak to one of our counsellors who are here to give advice and support.

I fancy my teacher

It’s natural to have crushes on teachers sometimes. But it’s wrong for a teacher to start a relationship with you.

It's wrong because your teacher is in a position of trust and it's against the law for them to have any kind of personal relationship with a student who is under the age of 18.

It's a teacher's responsibility to work with you in a strictly professional way. This means that at all times they are a teacher and you are a student. If you left school or if the teacher worked at a different school, it would still be seen as wrong and unprofessional.

If you’re struggling with your feelings for someone, it can help to share what's happening on the message boards. And you can get support from Childline any time you're feeling pressured or uncomfortable.