on the 26th of october 2021 my best friend logan killed himself. some of the last words i ever said to him were "why the fuck would i ever want you in my life?". we had just gotten into an argument, for context he hated the girl i was dating and would constantly criticise her and we were arguing about that again. him and i never had a stable friendship, but there was the feeling that we were both drowning together, and that was comforting to both of us. we both had nobody else. and then in july 2021 i cut him off. on the 26th of october i woke up to eighty missed calls from him and a text that just read "im sorry i love you forever. see you soon". two hours and a hundred calls later, his girlfriend texts me saying he's killed himself. i look back and wonder if there was anything i could've done. i feel so guilty and responsible for his death. maybe if i had just picked up one of the calls he would be here and i could facetime him again and rant about my parents and laugh so hard i cry. i miss the boy i would make breakfast with, do my work with. i miss him more than anything. i will never be the same.
PowerfulSkatingDove1627 / May 22 2022 22.24