lost my baby brother

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    ArtisticTurningGoose2256 / May 22 2022 21.10

    Im 12 and on the 5th May this year my brother was born. He is technically my half brother because we have different mums but to me hes my full brother. A few days later i got a phone call that he was in hospital and not doing well. He was 4 days old then. He had alot of wires and he was on a machine called ECMO because his lungs didnt work. My dad gave me a little octopus to remind me of him. When i got home, i made alot of things for my octopus and my brother like a box and bed for my octopus and a garland and small teddy bear for my brother. I saw him again 2 days later and he looked better because he had less wires. It was a tuesday and i stayed at my dads house that whole week. I saw him again the next day, and his arm was moving alot!! I was so proud of him, i 100% thought that he would be okay- that he was getting stronger. My cousins were staying with me at the time and they are spoiled brats. They are 6 and 8 but treated like theyre 2&4 and get WHATEVER they want. On thursday THEY came with me when i went to see him. I was really annoyed the whole time because they kept stealing the shine from my brother and i didnt get to spend enough time with him as i shouldve. That night i sent him a voice note and saw him on a video call and he opened his eyes!!! I knew he was getting better. On friday it was a normal day, we went to pick my other brother (11) up from my mums house then went to the hospital to see my brother. Except we didnt go to a hospital. We went to a hospice. We pulled in and i was super confused, my dad took me and my other brother (A) to a room and thats when they told us.

    “🐻 died this morning.”

    My world was flipped, i felt sick. I saw him and he looked like a doll. I dont have anymore space but ill try to put the 2nd and 3rd parts in the comments.

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    ArtisticTurningGoose2256 / May 22 2022 22.48

    Part 2.

    I saw him again the next day, for the final time. My cousins were there. They were told abiut his death and acted like nothing had happened, They were smiling. It really put me off.

    I saw my brother and told him i loved him, i told him i see him in the beautiful things in nature.

    I was angry and sad on the drive to my mums house. My aunt and nan were acting like nothing had happened. It made me angry.

    When i got home i couldnt bring myself to open my box with the octopus inside. It reminded me of him too much and i just couldnt cope with it.

    His funeral is tomorrow (23/5/22) and im really stressed out. I didnt know it was a cremation, and the teddy i made for him is gonna get cremated with him. Im so worried for tomorrow. Ive wrote him a letter which is gonna be put on his casket and burned with him. Im really upset and i dont know how to cope.

    Alot of people i dont like are coming to the funeral that I dont think should come either which im also stressed about.

    I just cant handle saying goodbye forever.

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    ActiveJoggingPanda8263 / Jun 13 2022 16.02

    i feel so bad for you

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    CuriousHopingKoala5798 / Jun 21 2022 22.15

    im so so so so sorry for you, ive lost my family, there's no comparison because he must have been an innocent soul and your cousin and aunt and nan and everybody who acts like nothing has happened is wrong, i had to watch my life crumble and my WHOLE family destroy me and leave me , abuse me and then act like nothing happened, that what's what frustrates me the most, nobody deserves to go through what you went through, it will get better, ive got no family , im a foster child because i was kicked out of my parents house and had to live on the streets, my step brother raped me and none of my family believed me , he had done this before , he tried raping my little cousin too. my mom left me , after a few days of living on the streets i was picked up by social services and put into care , that was before my birthday may, 2022 , i was in care for my birthday and the people who i was closest too dont believe me either , my dad messed up my relationship , the one thing that kept me going , i have nothing, no family, no hope, no happiness , but after a while you learn that you were born by yourself and you'll die by yourself too, if you cant love yourself , nobody else will either, my grandad died of a heart attack while i was in his arms when i was 8 , the only people in the flat was me and him, i had to call police , i was hysterical , i miss him , he was the only thing i had while in a world of rape and abuse , manipulation and anxiety, depression and bullying . i believe he's still watching over me , i need to make him proud and not guilty that he isn't here no more, i believe he is watching you, your guardian angel , everything happens for a reason, it will make you stronger, he will make you stronger , you will make YOU stronger , make him proud ,

    love -Y (her/she)

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