hey. ive struggled with anorexia for over a year now, and i think i recovered quite a bit, but currently im in my worst relapse. i can't stop thinking about the whole thing. its so overwhelming. i feel like im not sick enough, im not much underweight, ive never been hospitalised, and my family make me eat something almost every day. it feels like too much, i feel like im eating too much. and i hate the fact that my parents make me eat because i just do not feel ill enough, and i feel like once i start eating i'll want to have more and lose control. i know thats just the extreme hunger but the guilt is just too much. im so tired all the time, and im causing so many problems. i can't explain how low i feel.
ive also relapsed in self harm and i feel like im failing. i cant explain how badly i want to be hospitalised, and i know how crazy that sounds but i just feel not ill so i don't know what to do.
i dont even know what the point of this message is, but im kind of desperate.