(VERY ROUGH) draft of my story

  1. Lion
    BennyWithAWhy / Sep 27 2021 19.11

    This story has been going around my head for 3/4 years now but I never wrote any of it down properly, so I think it would be useful writing it down. As I said this is very rough because it's my first time actually writing it out (I don't even have a title yet lol) so if the story's doesn't make sense or there's a lot of plot holes then you know why let's just see how it goes. I know this story is very important to me and I have used it as a coping method more than once, but if you do have any constructive criticism I'm happy to listen! Anyway let's get onto the story... P.S there's stuff in other languages so I'll put translations in English as well.


    _There was a flash, In that instant, the fog cleared away from the site of the flash and from the fog appeared a figure. It looked banged up, with blood dripping from its forehead and its eyes with huge bags under them, as if it spent all of his time crying. With it was Lorrvaan, one of us, tied up and not moving. Her eyes has turned to nothing but white. It was clear she was held hostage for a long, long time. I heard, people yelling "Non! Non! Qu'est-ce qui se passe?! (what is happening)" Although all I could do was look down in horror and shock. That Lorrvaan. Her beautiful coral scales, her yellow spikes, the blue fluff on her head. That was my child. And all I could do was watch from behind these prison bars. I screamed to get her some help, my spikes enlarging with each shout and scream, as her energy pouch as almost run out. And then came rushing the help, coming with energy pouches and a bed for the figure. He looked 'Humain'. My spikes went to normal and I was told to retreat to my cell. I thought they were a myth. I thought '_Humain' did not exist... until the day I saw it with my child.

  2. Lion
    BennyWithAWhy / Sep 29 2021 19.17

    Part 1: [this is like an introduction to the characters, there's not really much action but it's my favourite part to write because I love my characters lol}

    "It called itself the Human, saying it came from a far away planet, but just like ours, and somehow had my daughter" - Diary of Mr Moonlight Lorrvaan

    "School was absolute crap today," A tall, brown haired boy said, his fingers continuously running through his messy hair, "got punched by some guys because apparently I want to date them all. Idiots." His voice was rich in a Texan accent, highlighting he wasn't originally from England.

    "I know right, they're such idiots. School sucks. At least you're in quite a few of my lessons, Bruce." There was a boy even taller boy than Bruce, around 6"9 (tall for a 15 year old) of a skinny build and green hair in fine curls, " Are you coming to Our Alley today?" His voice was deep, abnormally deep, and raspy.

    Bruce sighed, "Alex, you always ask this. No... I don't know what I'd do if I got in trouble." His face was in his hands.

    Alex took his hand and coaxed him to a side street, which was overshadowed by the tall building looming over them, as if they were being watched. The light faded significantly in the shadows.

    "I'm sorry. I know you don't want to come. You know how pushy Miles and Aaliyah can be sometimes." Alex gently took Bruce's hand, "They don't want you to feel left out."

    They both gazed into each other's eyes, until Bruce noticed a familiar car in the distance, across the road.

    "Shoot, my mom's here." Bruce let go of Alex and ran off in the direction of the car, "I'll send you a text, okay!"

    Before Alex could reply, Bruce had already gone.

    "Yeah..." Alex muttered under his breath, his hand low, awkwardly waving.

  3. Lion
    BennyWithAWhy / Sep 30 2021 16.43

    Bruce walked off to his car, leaving Alex to find his way through the labyrinth of alleyways to find the right one.

    'Our Alley', they called it. Our Alley. It was distinguishable by the two huge waste bins, and the walls that created the alley were of a hairdresser and a run down house no one dared to step in unless the were part of Our Alley. A rumour spread that it was haunted. A rumour that the leader of Our Alley spread so no one went inside. Of course, he didn't call himself the leader, because Our Alley was ruled by no one, but he was known as the leader, because he founded Our Alley in the first place. Members of Our Alley would go inside of the building and do all sorts of things: watching age-inappropriate movies, playing rude card games, chanting 'LGBT rights', all pretty tame for what you'd expect them to be.

    Alex made it to Our Alley fairly quickly, Miles was already there with a girl with black hair with bangs and in a bob cut.

    "Hey Alex." The girl said, smoking a cigarette, her voice high and quiet, a contrast to her personality.

    "Those things are awfully bad for you Melissa, they're not cool or trendy in any way." Alex replied to the girl smoking.

    "Oh, whatever. You sound like Bruce." Melissa chuckled, "He's a bad influence."

    "I think it's the other way round, mate." Miles butted in. He had black, exceptionally long hair for a boy, which went down to his lower back. His voice was also quite high, but still in the male range. He was constantly made fun of his height, for he was 5"4.

    A hand suddenly was on Melissa's shoulder. She let out a quiet shriek.

    "Shut up Melissa! Don't make fun of Bruce. He's a better person than you'll ever be!" A voice with a lisp, and overly varied tone. This could only be one person.

  4. Lion
    BennyWithAWhy / Sep 30 2021 16.56

    "Wow. I wonder who THIS could be(!)" Melissa said in a sarcastic tone, grabbing the hand tightly, causing pain.

    "Ack! Melissa, let go you idiot!" The lisp-y voice cried out.

    Melissa let go of her hand and laughed, "I know it's you, Aaliyah. The only one who can't pronounce my name right."

    Aaliyah was shaking her hand to try to make the pain go away, "I know I hate you, Melissa."

    "Wow. Can't you come up with your own words?" Melissa replied to Aaliyah's comment.

    "Wow. Can't you reply with anything but sarcasm?"

    That made Melissa shut up. Her hand was over the mouth and she ran away down the alley to someplace else. Tears formed in her eyes.

    "Damn, I think I hate her." Aaliyah commented. She acts like she's so cool and popular, but in reality she's just a sensitive idiot who knows nothing but to mock people... "I don't know why you hang around her, Miles."

    "Eh... I don't. She just follows me around." Miles replied. He was styling his hair in a side parting.

    Miles, Alex, Aaliyah and Bruce were all close friends, they met a long time ago and knew each other really well. Miles, Alex and Aaliyah stood in silence for a while.

    "Hey, where's everyone else?" Alex asked.

    "I don't know. I'll check on the group chat." Miles opened his phone and clicked on 'Study Groupchat'. He disguised it so his parents wouldn't know where he was going after school, because they'd think he was in a gang, "Yeah... Rahul cancelled today. There's no Our Alley."

    "What? When the hell did he send that?" Aaliyah asked.

    "...In maths?" Miles replied.

    "Oh yeah, that's why he asked to go to the toilet. He must have gone to send the message."

    "I wonder why he couldn't come today?" Miles wondered.

    "IDK... and... IDC. I'm going home." Alex walked off.

    What's up with him today? Miles thought.

  5. Lion
    BennyWithAWhy / Sep 30 2021 19.15

    {btw when you see diary entry it means new chapter}

    "I'm being forced back to my cell... they don't even let me see her" - Mr Moonlight Lorrvaan's Diary

    "How was your day at school, Bruce?" Bruce's mother asked whilst driving the car home. Her voice was unusually firm.

    "Good." Bruce replied, I'll avoid telling her about the bullies, I don't need her to know.

    "I saw you walking with Alex today."

    Crap. She saw me with Alex. She hates Alex. "He's... just a friend, Mom."

    "I don't care who he is. I don't want you near him."

    Bruce looked out of the window in discontent. He felt tears well up in his eyes, but he held them back. His leg shook against his will; a sign of stress. W_hy is my mother like this? I wish she didn't hate Alex so much, because I love him too much._

    His mother looks in the windscreen mirror and saw her son was looking stressed. She was good at reading her son's emotions, considering he didn't show them much.

    "Look... I just think he's a bad influence, okay?" She sighed, "I'm trying to keep you safe."

    Bruce didn't reply.

    "Bruce, do you hear me? I said he's a bad influence." She replied, her voice harsher.

    Bruce still didn't reply. He knew that he would be in trouble if he kept on being silent, but he knew if he talked me would be in deeper trouble for saying someone offensive. Bruce folded his arms in response.

    "Bruce Rivera! Do you HEAR ME?!" His mother was yelling now. The car window was open and people walking home glanced inside with concern.

    "YES!" Bruce raised his voice, but continued speaking in a lower tone, "If you hate my friends so much then don't mention them. Save the pain for when Dad comes to visit."

    Bruce glanced at his phone and saw a message from Alex.

    alley cancelled, going home, meet me at mine

    Bruce smiled. The journey was silent.

  6. Lion
    BennyWithAWhy / Sep 30 2021 19.31

    The rest of the journey was silent, and Bruce smiled all the way through it. The car reached Bruce and his mother's home and the car came to a stop.

    "Why couldn't I just have a normal son?" Bruce's mother muttered under her breath, just loud enough for Bruce to hear.

    Bruce slammed the car door. He saw Rahul walking down the street, so Bruce waved at him and took the opportunity to talk to him.

    "Hey, Rahul!" Bruce called.

    Rahul turned around to face Bruce.

    "Oh, hey man. What's up?" Rahul's voice was monotone, which matched his chill nature.

    "Did... you cancel the alley thing today? What was up with that?"

    "How do you know it was me?"

    "You're... the founder of it, right? So you're in charge? Sorry... if I got that wrong." Bruce stumbled on that last sentence.

    "No, you're right, don't worry." Rahul recognised Bruce's worry, "It's just... I can trust you won't blab. I got a date..."

    "With who?"

    Rahul was scratching is head.

    "Do you need me to speak your Mother's Tongue for you to understand? Kōnī sāthē...? Wait, that does mean 'with who' right?"

    Rahul let out a laugh, "Yeah, yeah! It does. Ah ha...! That's so cool, how you learn my language! Yeah, I'm going on a date with Aaliyah."


    "And... I'm going to be late, catch you later!" Rahul rushed off, waving.

    "Oh, okay! Bye!" Bruce replied.

    "So, who was that?" Bruce's mother said.

    What? Crap, I thought she went inside. "Another friend from school."

    "Wow, you're popular... why did you speak in his language, though?"

    "We like to learn each other's languages, well, bits of them. Makes us feel... celebrated?"

    "Has this 'Rahul' bothered to learn Spanish?"

    "A bit, yeah."


    Another awkward silence.

    "Mom... I'm going to a study club at school, I'll be back at about 6."

    "Just go." She was at the point of yelling.

  7. Lion
    BennyWithAWhy / Oct 03 2021 9.42

    Bruce sighed. He knew his mother could get mad at any time, but it's usually for a reason. His mother was kind most of the time, but if something was stressing her out, she would take out her anger on Bruce. He was an only child, so she had no one else to take her anger out on, execpt for herself. But, she promised Bruce she would never go back to that again, not that she ever kept her promises.

    Bruce didn't have a chance to drop his bag off at this house, so he was carrying it around as he walked down the street, his head down waking the little rocks in the concrete slabs, not a blade of grass in sight. That's urbanisation for you, Bruce thought_._ Alex's house was quite far, but Bruce didn't mind. He didn't particularly like sport and exercise, but he knew it was good for you so he made sure he did some anyway.

    "Hey, Bruce" He suddenly heard someone call, to his left. Bruce looked up from the ground and turned his head. He caught a glimpse of a tall boy, green, fluffy hair and a school tie wrapped around his forehead. Alex.

    "Hey! Come on my bike!" Alex called, "It'll take you ages to walk to my house from yours!"

    Bruce smiled and speed-walked to Alex, which turned into a quick jog. He hopped onto the back of Alex's bike and help onto his shoulders so he wouldn't fall off.

    Alex's bike was a plain back bike, with a bunch of stickers on it. Skulls, rainbows, anarchy symbols, that kind of thing you'd expect from a alternative teenager. He was fast on a bike, and he knew all of the shortcuts which meant he could get to his house really quickly.

    "I'm surprised your mum lets you come to mine, to be honest." Alex said.

    "She probably won't if she knew." Bruce replied.

    "What do you mean?"

    "I lie. I say I go to some study stuff, IDK".

    "Lie? I could never."

    Silence struck.

  8. Lion
    BennyWithAWhy / Oct 03 2021 15.53

    "Same old slop for dinner. I'm not hungry. I need to know who the hell did this to my child." - Audio found in Moonlight Lorrvaan's cell.

    Rahul was in the bathroom, messing around with his tie. His shirt was plain white, his trousers a deep navy. and his shoes a few centimetres away from being winkle pickers.

    "I can never remember how to wear these stupid ties..." He mumbled to himself. In the end, he ended up grabbing the clip-on tie from the wedding he went to 4 years ago. He spent another hour looking in the mirror, his fingers submerged in hair gel running through his black, fine hair.

    "Are you done yet? We want to see a little boy before his big date!" A woman called from down the stairs.

    "Mum! I'm coming!" Rahul chuckled to himself. His parents were overbearing and wanted to know everything about his life, which left him feeling quite patronised. But he didn't really mind, his parents were kind enough.

  9. Lion
    BennyWithAWhy / Oct 09 2021 9.23

    Rahul opened the door to the bathroom, steam filled the place. He rushed down the stairs to see his parents waiting for him at the bottom of them.

    "Ah! You look so smart!" His mother said.

    "Good job with tying that tie on your own, son." His father said proudly.

    Rahul chuckled to himself, "Thanks, Dad."

    "Can I come?!" One of Rahul's little sister's asked excitedly, rushing to the stairs to see him.

    "No, unless you want to ruin my day." Rahul joked.

    "Hey!" Another voice boomed, this time his older sister, "I'm kinda annoyed you got a girlfriend before me, dude."

    Rahul's face turned red, "She's not my girlfriend-"


    "It's just a first date-"

    "But not the last."

    "Stop!" Rahul turned defensive.

    "Yes, stop teasing your brother, Riri!" His father backed him up.

    "Ugh! I hate that nickname!" She stormed off.

    As soon as 'Riri' left, there was a knocking on the door. It was her.

    Rahul's mum and dad were standing behind him, waiting for the door to be opened. Rahul's hand was visibly shaking; he was nervous, which was unlike him. He took a deep breath, and opened the door.

    Aaliyah stood there, with a bouquet of blue, pink, and white flowers. A smile grew upon Rahul's face.

    "Hey." Aaliyah said.

    She was wearing a suit, a full on tailcoat which looked expensive: gold buttons, silver chains, golden swirls, the material was black and velvety, the buttons on the sleeves also golden. The shirt was a grey colour, clashing with the black suit and trousers yet working so well together. The blue highlights in the boxbraids was a contrast to the formal-ness of her outfit.. She made everyone else look underdressed.

    "Hello." Nervousness was dominant in Rahul's voice, but he managed to keep a smile.

  10. Lion
    BennyWithAWhy / Oct 17 2021 9.19

    I've learnt I can't continue with this until I actually have a proper plan for the story, so I'm going to stop writing it.

    I might still post some stuff for a plan on here, but it won't be a full story.


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