Scared im going to lose my friends... (please help)

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    SourPineapple / Sep 15 2021 21.11

    hi, so im D and in Y9 at school.

    i currently am and have been in, since about half way through Y7 in a friendship group of about 7 girls. i would say we are pretty close tho obviously we have argued in the past. however (and this has been pointed out to me in the past but ive struggled to change it) a few days ago they basically said i was kind of just tagging along and bringing the group down with my negative attitude. Although they said they are happy for me to change if i iddentify the problem and 'get some help' and change my attitude and actully be in the group not on the outside, then they are happy for me to stay. (they didnt say this in a rude way at all by the way)

    i however was kind of shocked as i didnt realise i was being so negative and how badly it was affecting them, so im really scared im going to lose them as they are more or less my only friends and i really struggle with making and, more so keeping friends.

    does anyone have any ideas on how i could have a more postive mindset and possibly get closer to my friends or is it too late to save this friendship.

    (i always thought they were my friends and thought of me the same way so im not sure :/ )

    please if you have any advice, help as im feeling really stuck.

    thank you

    -D

  2. Top dog
    SourPineapple / Sep 15 2021 21.11

    hi, so im D and in Y9 at school.

    i currently am and have been in, since about half way through Y7 in a friendship group of about 7 girls. i would say we are pretty close tho obviously we have argued in the past. however (and this has been pointed out to me in the past but ive struggled to change it) a few days ago they basically said i was kind of just tagging along and bringing the group down with my negative attitude. Although they said they are happy for me to change if i iddentify the problem and 'get some help' and change my attitude and actully be in the group not on the outside, then they are happy for me to stay. (they didnt say this in a rude way at all by the way)

    i however was kind of shocked as i didnt realise i was being so negative and how badly it was affecting them, so im really scared im going to lose them as they are more or less my only friends and i really struggle with making and, more so keeping friends.

    does anyone have any ideas on how i could have a more postive mindset and possibly get closer to my friends or is it too late to save this friendship.

    (i always thought they were my friends and thought of me the same way so im not sure :/ )

    please if you have any advice, help as im feeling really stuck.

    thank you

    -D

    Superdupersloth3963 / Sep 16 2021 1.21

    hey it sounds like you thought of the worst case scenario, try and be calm! online you can find great mindfulness ideas and even on childline! you will get through this and just be honest with the way you are feeling so your friends can understand why or get you help πŸ˜†πŸ’ž

  3. Small
    Superdupersloth3963 / Sep 16 2021 1.21

    hey it sounds like you thought of the worst case scenario, try and be calm! online you can find great mindfulness ideas and even on childline! you will get through this and just be honest with the way you are feeling so your friends can understand why or get you help πŸ˜†πŸ’ž

    SourPineapple / Sep 24 2021 21.19

    hi,

    yeah i was in a bad frame of mind at the time, thanks for your advice!

    -D

  4. Childline Avatar
    SourPineapple / Sep 15 2021 21.11

    hi, so im D and in Y9 at school.

    i currently am and have been in, since about half way through Y7 in a friendship group of about 7 girls. i would say we are pretty close tho obviously we have argued in the past. however (and this has been pointed out to me in the past but ive struggled to change it) a few days ago they basically said i was kind of just tagging along and bringing the group down with my negative attitude. Although they said they are happy for me to change if i iddentify the problem and 'get some help' and change my attitude and actully be in the group not on the outside, then they are happy for me to stay. (they didnt say this in a rude way at all by the way)

    i however was kind of shocked as i didnt realise i was being so negative and how badly it was affecting them, so im really scared im going to lose them as they are more or less my only friends and i really struggle with making and, more so keeping friends.

    does anyone have any ideas on how i could have a more postive mindset and possibly get closer to my friends or is it too late to save this friendship.

    (i always thought they were my friends and thought of me the same way so im not sure :/ )

    please if you have any advice, help as im feeling really stuck.

    thank you

    -D

    ActiveSkiingOtter9301 / Oct 01 2021 0.48

    Hey d, Im M.

    im going through a similar thing. (im in Y9 too). ive been friends with a girl for about 7-8 years and we recently decided to take a break from eachother which really hit me hard. just know you arent alone and if it is affecting you so negatively that you are tryng to change yourself, find a group of friends you would actually like to be around more. maybe stay in contact if you like some of them but try and find people who make You happy.

  5. Prisoner
    ActiveSkiingOtter9301 / Oct 01 2021 0.48

    Hey d, Im M.

    im going through a similar thing. (im in Y9 too). ive been friends with a girl for about 7-8 years and we recently decided to take a break from eachother which really hit me hard. just know you arent alone and if it is affecting you so negatively that you are tryng to change yourself, find a group of friends you would actually like to be around more. maybe stay in contact if you like some of them but try and find people who make You happy.

    Betrayed-Moon / Oct 02 2021 23.30

    Hi M,

    I'm Moon. You do not how much I relate to this comment.

    My ex-bestie (we'll call her B9) decided to ditch me in May (when I was in Y9) for a Year 8 (we'll call them B8) that was coincidentally was doing the same this with her for the last two weeks before B9 ditch me for B8.

    B9 and I knew each other for 8-9 years. She said to be "You can't have another BFF apart from me" so I never tried to attach too much with other ppl. She was toxic af tbh... If she was trying to violate me, she would call me "Depressed Blob" or "Depresso Espresso". She would ghost me if I: didn't reply to her quick enough; was ever late to me her; started to talk to my friends in my form class; didn't tell her something I didn't want to tell her or force me to say rlly mean thing if I had an argument with my other friends.

    In March, a new girl (we'll call her A1) joined the school and she happened to speak Punjabi and was Punjabi (like me). She's rlly funny and I started to grow an attachment with her without me realising. I don't blame her for joining the school bc if she didn't I probably would have either committed suicide or develop a rlly negative personality or attitude.

    This is the weird part, although A1 and I are besties. I still kinda miss B9 bc we were Besties for 8-9 years and I have many good memories which kinda are the same as the ones Im making with A1 plus my birthday rlly rlly rlly soon and B9 used to always buy me something for my birthday and try to get me to guess my gift the week before it. B9 doesn't even look me in the eye anymore but I just wish she knew I still love her and care for her. I wish she would just talk to me, even it was just once.

    My new friends just find me annoying & I just get a vibe they hate me. I feel like Im a problem tbh. Sowy this is long!!

  6. Small
    Betrayed-Moon / Oct 02 2021 23.30

    Hi M,

    I'm Moon. You do not how much I relate to this comment.

    My ex-bestie (we'll call her B9) decided to ditch me in May (when I was in Y9) for a Year 8 (we'll call them B8) that was coincidentally was doing the same this with her for the last two weeks before B9 ditch me for B8.

    B9 and I knew each other for 8-9 years. She said to be "You can't have another BFF apart from me" so I never tried to attach too much with other ppl. She was toxic af tbh... If she was trying to violate me, she would call me "Depressed Blob" or "Depresso Espresso". She would ghost me if I: didn't reply to her quick enough; was ever late to me her; started to talk to my friends in my form class; didn't tell her something I didn't want to tell her or force me to say rlly mean thing if I had an argument with my other friends.

    In March, a new girl (we'll call her A1) joined the school and she happened to speak Punjabi and was Punjabi (like me). She's rlly funny and I started to grow an attachment with her without me realising. I don't blame her for joining the school bc if she didn't I probably would have either committed suicide or develop a rlly negative personality or attitude.

    This is the weird part, although A1 and I are besties. I still kinda miss B9 bc we were Besties for 8-9 years and I have many good memories which kinda are the same as the ones Im making with A1 plus my birthday rlly rlly rlly soon and B9 used to always buy me something for my birthday and try to get me to guess my gift the week before it. B9 doesn't even look me in the eye anymore but I just wish she knew I still love her and care for her. I wish she would just talk to me, even it was just once.

    My new friends just find me annoying & I just get a vibe they hate me. I feel like Im a problem tbh. Sowy this is long!!

    SourPineapple / Oct 15 2021 21.08

    its been a month and honestly i struggle with social skills soo much, i constantly feel like they let me tag along coz they pity me and dont want to make me feel bad but also they wont even realise if i disappear. its not like they exclude me but idk its just weird and i have no one else and have no way to find new friends, i just wish i didnt feel so alone...

    sorry for my rant

    and sorry about your situation but maybe you and B9 where meant to grow apart as a toxic relationship wouldnt be good in the long run. i had a similar friend last year, one day she decided she hated me and tried to turn every1 against me, i was really close to her which like you made it hard to she she was being toxic.

    i feel like im making this all about me when honestly i dont matter so im sorry for that as well.

    -D

  7. Prisoner
    SourPineapple / Oct 15 2021 21.08

    its been a month and honestly i struggle with social skills soo much, i constantly feel like they let me tag along coz they pity me and dont want to make me feel bad but also they wont even realise if i disappear. its not like they exclude me but idk its just weird and i have no one else and have no way to find new friends, i just wish i didnt feel so alone...

    sorry for my rant

    and sorry about your situation but maybe you and B9 where meant to grow apart as a toxic relationship wouldnt be good in the long run. i had a similar friend last year, one day she decided she hated me and tried to turn every1 against me, i was really close to her which like you made it hard to she she was being toxic.

    i feel like im making this all about me when honestly i dont matter so im sorry for that as well.

    -D

    Betrayed-Moon / Oct 17 2021 21.43

    Hi D,

    It's completely fine. Your problems are more recent than mine so it makes sense why it would be about you.

    I get the fact that you lack social skills but you could try talking to them. There must be someone in the group you feel comfortable talking to.

    I'm sorry if I'm not much help. I'm trying to alter myself and it ain't going well.

    ✨MoonπŸŒ™

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