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  1. Dreamer
    mazzyisquiet / Mar 04 2021 13.26

    Hi. I'm looking for some advice. I've been living in care since August 2020 and I've been staying with a permanent placement which until recently has been going really well. For a while I've begun to notice that I feel not necessarily totally unloved but less loved than the other foster child here. They've been here for a very long time, way longer than I have so it would make sense for there to be a way closer bond. I dunno. I just sometimes feel like I'm not included in decisions, or when they talk about days out or birthdays or whatever, I almost feel as though my opinion doesn't matter because I'm not really asked or involved in decisions. I just feel like they're already a family and I'm 'just here'. I sound like I'm being dramatic or jealous but I'm really not and feeling like this is getting to me more and more. Has anyone else felt like this? Is it normal or am I being dramatic? What do I do about it? Thankyou xxx

  2. Childline Avatar
    Temporary71275725 / Mar 05 2021 19.01

    i’m not in care however i do live in a toxic household and i know how you feel. I don’t believe you‘re being dramatic, you were placed with these people so that you could have a safer, better life. It’s almost more than normal to want to fit in. A lot of people would say to just talk to them but feeling like an outsider already you may not want to bring more awkward attention to yourself which is understandable. i would say try building a bond with the person in the house that makes you feel the most comfortable individually. Slowly by slowly you will feel more at home : even if it’s just one person making you feel like that.

    hope this helped xx

  3. Childline Avatar
    SuperStresed / Mar 16 2021 19.14

    hey . Im in care and i have experience similar feelings. First you are not being dramatic and most poeple with either foster siblings or birth siblings will experience what you maybe feeling. I know this may be hard and i dont like doing it myslef but mabye try speaking to your social worker about this or if you can your foster parents. I undertand that it is very hard to do this so dont worry if you cant. I would also suggest mabye gratitude meditation as it allows the brain to see a new way of life . As well as this yopu could always try the childline 1 to 1 chat to see what advice they may have . I hope this helps and if you have any further questions, felll free to ask me xXx

  4. Dreamer
    SuperStresed / Mar 16 2021 19.14

    hey . Im in care and i have experience similar feelings. First you are not being dramatic and most poeple with either foster siblings or birth siblings will experience what you maybe feeling. I know this may be hard and i dont like doing it myslef but mabye try speaking to your social worker about this or if you can your foster parents. I undertand that it is very hard to do this so dont worry if you cant. I would also suggest mabye gratitude meditation as it allows the brain to see a new way of life . As well as this yopu could always try the childline 1 to 1 chat to see what advice they may have . I hope this helps and if you have any further questions, felll free to ask me xXx

    mazzyisquiet / May 08 2021 14.40

    Thankyou so much. This really helped xxx

  5. Dreamer
    Temporary71275725 / Mar 05 2021 19.01

    i’m not in care however i do live in a toxic household and i know how you feel. I don’t believe you‘re being dramatic, you were placed with these people so that you could have a safer, better life. It’s almost more than normal to want to fit in. A lot of people would say to just talk to them but feeling like an outsider already you may not want to bring more awkward attention to yourself which is understandable. i would say try building a bond with the person in the house that makes you feel the most comfortable individually. Slowly by slowly you will feel more at home : even if it’s just one person making you feel like that.

    hope this helped xx

    mazzyisquiet / May 08 2021 14.41

    Thankyou, I appreciate the advice xxx

  6. Childline Avatar
    mazzyisquiet / Mar 04 2021 13.26

    Hi. I'm looking for some advice. I've been living in care since August 2020 and I've been staying with a permanent placement which until recently has been going really well. For a while I've begun to notice that I feel not necessarily totally unloved but less loved than the other foster child here. They've been here for a very long time, way longer than I have so it would make sense for there to be a way closer bond. I dunno. I just sometimes feel like I'm not included in decisions, or when they talk about days out or birthdays or whatever, I almost feel as though my opinion doesn't matter because I'm not really asked or involved in decisions. I just feel like they're already a family and I'm 'just here'. I sound like I'm being dramatic or jealous but I'm really not and feeling like this is getting to me more and more. Has anyone else felt like this? Is it normal or am I being dramatic? What do I do about it? Thankyou xxx

    CuriousRestingAlpaca8013 / Jun 29 2021 14.34

    Hey,

    don't think that you are being dramatic or jealous because how you feel is perfectly understandable-i think you're right and your foster parents should be treating both of you the same no matter how long you have been there. I have been in care since September 2016 and i have had a similar experience with being treated differently. In my case everything was going fine until my foster carer got pregnant and had a baby, then everything changed and i didn't feel like part of a family anymore which hurt since i had lived with them for 3 years. i got accused of being jealous and accused of things i didn't do and suddenly everything was blamed on me. i eventually got taken away as the placement broke down and i was really disappointed since it was meant to be long term but i suppose things had to go the way they did and i got taken to a new foster home. Sorry this wasn't meant to be about myself i just wanted to you to know i could relate to some extent because i know how it feels to be singled out of something you thought you were part of. personally i wouldn't be comfortable doing this but maybe you should sit down with your social worker and your foster carer(s) and have a chat about it and maybe see why or how it could change. i hope i could help in some way.

    AJ xxx

  7. Childline Avatar
    CalmTextingSeal7934 / Jul 02 2021 13.09

    hey right i been thorugh the same things yanno i been in care since march 2020 i felt like i wasnt apart of the family so i kept changing houses and till this day i keep moving atound because i dont feel like apart of family and i wasnt apart of family i was just there so its okay to feel that way but before u think of moving imma tell you that some houses are really abusive!!

  8. Athlete
    CalmTextingSeal7934 / Jul 02 2021 13.09

    hey right i been thorugh the same things yanno i been in care since march 2020 i felt like i wasnt apart of the family so i kept changing houses and till this day i keep moving atound because i dont feel like apart of family and i wasnt apart of family i was just there so its okay to feel that way but before u think of moving imma tell you that some houses are really abusive!!

    Minimalism / Jul 05 2021 10.27

    Bro this is litterally my situation but the Carers are verbally abusive almost as if theyre bullying me 2 on 1 regularly, and when i report it to my SW they lie and deny it

    When its not verbal there are some phsyical things like them pulling my arm from out my seat cuz i didnt want to go out and their dog biting my brother unsupervised

    How do i get out of this situation??

  9. Loser
    RoyalDabbingFrog1691 / Jul 07 2021 12.16

    Hello, I have read all the comments that have been attached to this chat function and I understand what you are all going through. I understand it is really hard to be taken into foster care and leave your friends and family behind.

    It is not a nice experience and I hope things in the future can get better for you and you can get on with your foster carers. You have to take into consideration that it may be hard for them. I know they are a lot older than you and it might sound stupid but they need to get to know how you work and what kind of background you have come from.

    If you don't like where you are it is always best you speak to your social worker or friends and family and tell them how you are being treated because they won't be able to help you unless you speak up. There are loads of different organizations that are trained and can give you some advice on where to get some help.

    When reading all the comments I heard someone said they have been verbally abusive by their foster carers and have informed their social worker but the foster carers denied it. It may be good to speak to your Independent Reviewing officer or call the Police and say nothing is being done and you don't feel safe. They will keep you safe and be able to support you during this awful time.

    Take care

    xx

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