i know i'm a tad late but christmas 2020 has honestly been my best christmas so far. my aunt died in 2014, leaving an 8 year old me to grieve someone who i felt like was my second mum (she practically raised my mum; my mum is the second youngest of 5 children, two of which are dead; mary, my aunt and richard, my mother's stillborn twin and mary and my ma were 16 years apart.) and christmas hasn't been the same since then because she would always come around for christmas. i even remember her last text to my mum: "not feeling too good today sis x" and that must've been a few days before she died. she died on the 19th of december and christmases havent felt the same since.
until now! this christmas i DIDN'T cry! i got a switch for christmas and it was absolutely fantastic - i'm still using it and me and my brother play on it sometimes. what i did this christmas was i looked forward to all my money and gifts rather than thinking about my aunt. it sounds really selfish but it's the only way i could cope with christmas. we pulled crackers and had a great time - i didn't think my brother would be home for christmas as he was attending university elsewhere but he came home and he's still home now!! - and i haven't felt that much happiness in quite a while.
i really hope this could help someone, but if it doesn't i'm still proud of myself for finally accepting death.