My name is Izzy and ive not been feeling great to say the least. I havent been diagnosed and im worried if im faking it becuase for some reason recently (that ive seen)Peopleetal*illness. anyway. ive suffered with panic attacks for a few years but recently its gotten really bad and ive found myself ///TW///Self Harm/// self harming. i hate myself for doing so but its really hard to stop. I have also been feeling extremely and cripplingly sad and crushed under a weight of my worries, fears and having to live when i dont have anything to distract myself from the constant worthlessness ive been feeling. I think i might have anxiety and depression but im only 11 and im worried ive tricked myself into feeling this way.
I also recently broke my arm which doesn't seem like a big deal but every night i float away from reality and i re-live what the pain felt like and re-live seeing the paramedics' torches at 10 o'clock at night after waiting for 5 hours for an ambulance and the overwhelming realisation that all i could do is lie on the wet grass and wait for them to come. i cant write anymore as im starting to float away again but you get the point.
i live every day with the constant hatred of everything i do and every word i say and ///TW///Su/cidal thoughts/// i want to kill myself sometimes. Im in a horrible place and i cant get out.
I dont expect anyone to reply and i dont want to pressure anyone into doing so. i just needed to vent.
*people faking mental - im not sure why but it wasnt letting me correct a spelling mistake without making me rewrite the whole papagraph.