OboeObssesed / Jan 22 2021 17.51
hi
My name is Izzy and ive not been feeling great to say the least. I havent been diagnosed and im worried if im faking it becuase for some reason recently (that ive seen)Peopleetal*illness. anyway. ive suffered with panic attacks for a few years but recently its gotten really bad and ive found myself ///TW///Self Harm/// self harming. i hate myself for doing so but its really hard to stop. I have also been feeling extremely and cripplingly sad and crushed under a weight of my worries, fears and having to live when i dont have anything to distract myself from the constant worthlessness ive been feeling. I think i might have anxiety and depression but im only 11 and im worried ive tricked myself into feeling this way.
I also recently broke my arm which doesn't seem like a big deal but every night i float away from reality and i re-live what the pain felt like and re-live seeing the paramedics' torches at 10 o'clock at night after waiting for 5 hours for an ambulance and the overwhelming realisation that all i could do is lie on the wet grass and wait for them to come. i cant write anymore as im starting to float away again but you get the point.
i live every day with the constant hatred of everything i do and every word i say and ///TW///Su/cidal thoughts/// i want to kill myself sometimes. Im in a horrible place and i cant get out.
I dont expect anyone to reply and i dont want to pressure anyone into doing so. i just needed to vent.
*people faking mental - im not sure why but it wasnt letting me correct a spelling mistake without making me rewrite the whole papagraph.
redantler / Jan 23 2021 15.18
I'm 17 and I've also gone through depression, anxiety, self harm and suicidal thoughts. It's so hard to cope with and everything always feels grey and pointless.
My depression started when I was 12. Something I regret the most is not catching it early and trying to get help. I was so scared to speak to anyone. I spent so many years just suffering in silence, missing out on so many opportunities, spending time with friends etc.
I won't say that going to a therapist or doctor will suddenly change everything. Getting better does require work. But if you can find even the smallest bit of motivation, and start changing the smallest things in your life, things will start to look better. At some point when I was depressed, I realised I wasn't trying to get better. I was comfortable being sad all the time because the idea of change scared me. That's what depression does. It traps you. But you have to fight it.
I can also relate to the 'worried ive tricked myself into feeling this way'. I promise you haven't. Self doubt and hatred is a common symptom, and while it may feel like you've tricked yourself into it, you haven't.
I recommend googling 'grounding exercises' to help with the floaty feeling. Also, maybe try making small changes, just things like eating a piece of fruit instead of something unhealthy, or thinking one positive thought in the morning when you wake up. It will add up and help in the end. Speaking to a doctor or professional is also a good idea. It's a huge step, and a terrifying one, but they are there to help you, and not to judge.
Stay strong, you will get through it, even if it doesn't feel like it. Stay strong.
