Ptsd?

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  1. Sheep
    Wildflower4 / Dec 18 2020 22.06

    Hey guys,

    ​

    So this happened a couple years ago and I'm 14 now. I don't remember the exact year really, I think that I've just tried to erase this memory but I think that I was around 10/11 but recently its just been popping up in my mind again, and I know that there is something triggering it but the reason that I've started this thread is because I don't know whether this is ptsd or nothing has actually happened to me.

    Okay here we go. When I was 10/11 I went on a holiday to America. I went with my mum and my brother and we were going to have a great time. My dad didn't come because he was busy with work which was understandable and so he told us to go and enjoy. We stayed round a family friend's house and then my mums close friend came to their house, he had a family of his own but they didn't come and so basically we were all quite close family friends.

    Now here is the point of the story where my life practically changed.

    So one morning on the trip, my brother and the family we were staying at went out (they were just going around town or something) leaving me, my mum and her close friend. He was like an uncle to me, my mum grew up with him so they were really close, I'm going to call him X for now. So then my mum ran me a bath at their house and she said that she and X were going on a jog and that I shouldn't open the door or anything etc. That was a lie and I found that out very soon. I stopped my bath, and watched some TV in the living room, and so I was hungry and I remembered what our friends who lived in the house said, that I could get anything from the pantry downstairs. The pantry was in the basement which was like a cinema room. I walked down and it was dark, but I saw my mum and X cheating. Right there literally.

    I'll continue on the next bit -->

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  2. Sheep
    Wildflower4 / Dec 19 2020 21.03

    And so then I ran upstairs straight away, they hadn't noticed I was there and then I started yelling for my mum. She ran upstairs and I started crying and told her that I saw them. Then X came up too and I just felt horrible to even look at them. I told my mum that I would tell my dad and brother but she said that if I did then she would khs and obviously I didn't want that to happen because I love my mum.

    I knew that they were both really good friends before that happened and I even made jokes about it because she was always calling him, and facetiming all the time. I've kept this secret for more than 3 years now and it's starting to really get at me. I never told anyone about it even when I went to the school councillor to talk about my mh because I was so worried that if my mum found out that I told anyone that she would get mad and leave.

    Recently, I overheard my parents arguing and I could tell that my dad had just found out about what happened. He doesn't know that I have known about my mum and X for a while now. I always talk to my older brother about everything but he still doesn't know about it and I don't want to tell him either because I think that I will upset him.

    Ever since then, I keep getting flashbacks and my heart starts racing just like if I were there and it was all happening again. This is why I am not sure if I have ptsd because I haven't had a physically traumatic experience like abuse etc. but I feel as if this has had a huge impact on my life and that it would have never been like this right now if I had never walked down.

    My parents always have arguments now (they always have but now more) and I think that they are going to divorce but are staying together for me.

    I'm just looking for advice and to see if what I'm going through is ptsd?

    Thanks

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  3. Wallflower
    ConnerTheTransGuy / Dec 21 2020 14.35

    Hi. So I don’t know if this is PTSD but what your Mum said was horrible! I had an experience with an ex-friend who always told me she was depressed and showed me her sh and it left me with a low level of trauma.

    I found talking to someone really helps. I ended up getting a therapist for a bit and I told her about that mess and she helped me through it. The more you hide it, the worse it’ll get, trust me. It builds up and builds up until everytime you look at certain things it reminds you of that moment and you just want to breakdown and cry.

    I can’t tell you what to o because I’ve never been in this situation, but talking does help.

    Bets wishes,

    Conner

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    ConnerTheTransGuy / Dec 21 2020 14.35

    Hi. So I don’t know if this is PTSD but what your Mum said was horrible! I had an experience with an ex-friend who always told me she was depressed and showed me her sh and it left me with a low level of trauma.

    I found talking to someone really helps. I ended up getting a therapist for a bit and I told her about that mess and she helped me through it. The more you hide it, the worse it’ll get, trust me. It builds up and builds up until everytime you look at certain things it reminds you of that moment and you just want to breakdown and cry.

    I can’t tell you what to o because I’ve never been in this situation, but talking does help.

    Bets wishes,

    Conner

    Wildflower4 / Jan 22 2021 19.46

    Thank you Conner,

    ​

    I know that I should talk to someone but I just don't want anyone to find out what happened between my parents because even my closest friends say that my parents are really nice and I'm scared that they will see my parents differently too. I'm too scared to talk to someone about it because it may backfire on me and my parents would find out which is a really scary thing to think about. But thank you so much for your help anyways, I will try and build up the courage to talk to someone, hopefully in the near future.

    Thank you x

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