Just some venting (prefix: Emotionally confused rn so it's hard to tell what's exaggeration and what's not like this sorry if it's exaggerated a lil)

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    MusicBookMusic / Sep 26 2020 21.59

    I don't know anymore. I'm just empty. I can't exist this way. I just can't do emotion right can I. I honestly don't know anymore. I need help. No one takes me seriously. I just internalise everything. I get too emotional. I'm not emotional enough. I feel empty sometimes. I can't do things right. I'm just a mess up. Why can't I be normal. Why can't I know my sexuality. Why do I always have to question myself. Why can I not even be liked. Why am I able to lose a friend a week after befriending them. I'm just so stupid. Everything I do is my fault. I don't try hard enough with my medical problems. I can't control myself when I like something. I don't have depression. I don't have mental health problems. The way I feel is my fault. I act so privileged all the time. I'm always smiling but often it's not real. Why can't I just function normally. Why can I not open up to my friends and parents without regretting it or playing it off as if it's nothing major. Why didn't my friends listen when I told them I self-harmed. Why didn't my parents notice me self-harming. Why do my parents always blame me when things go wrong. It's never them. It's never my brother. It's always me. Why don't they understand. They say they love me but whenever I try and talk back they never listen, when I shout they say I shouldn't have shouted. When they shout first I get blamed for shouting first because I normally do because they don't listen. Why does my brother always do things to make me angry even if I've told him not to and then I get in trouble for yelling when he caused the situation to arise in the first place. Why does he make me the villain even if I've warned him to stop. He blames me for shouting for no reason but he purposefully does things that annoy me and he acts all innocent.

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