homophobic parents

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    Redcarnations / Sep 25 2020 20.19

    i’m a 13 year old girl and i’ve been pretty aware of my attraction to other girls for a while now. I feel absolutely no attraction to boys and couldnt see myself in a relationship with one so I know that i’m a lesbian, and I have a girlfriend too. We’ve been together for some months now but unfortunately I’ve had to keep it pretty secret.

    My dad used to be catholic and he’s openly homophobic. My brother is also homophobic and when we go to my dad’s house at the weekends (divorced parents) i sometimes hear them making homophobic and transphobic jokes and saying some really upsetting stuff but of course I can’t do anything about it because he doesnt know about my sexuality.

    Now my mum isn’t as obvious about it, but she‘s frequently told me how she’d be ‘disappointed’ if I were LGBT and she also makes homophobic jokes sometimes. I tried to explain to her that if weren’t straight that being disappointed is equal to any other forms of unacceptance but according to her she’s not homophobic? Even though just a few hours ago she tried pressuring me into coming out and makes me feel guilty.

    In all honesty I don’t feel happy at home and it‘s making me feel depressed and suicidal. I feel like a burden to my family and a complete outcast. I want to live my life without the fear of being disowned but that‘s entirely impossible.

    People at my school are also homophobic and I get called the f slur sometimes. Everyone makes me feel so disgusted about myself. I hate every part of me and sometimes i wish I weren’t this way just so that I could have a little less trauma. I’m really unsure of what to do and I feel like i’m getting close to the end of the road.

  2. Artist
    LeoTheWise / Sep 26 2020 19.55

    Dear Redcarnations,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles with homophobia; you have been very brave in seeking help and advice here, and I hope that I can provide it to some small degree.

    As a 17 year old gay boy, I've experienced some of what you describe and I know how fundamentally upsetting it is to see people being so casually disrespectful, dismissive and degrading to you, even if sometimes indirectly. I assure you that while times may be dark for you right now, you are not alone and there are many wonderful, accepting people out there that you have yet to meet who will make this tough time worth getting through.

    It is a credit to nice people like you that in the face of homophobia, you choose to consider yourself the burden rather than blaming other people. I would urge you to reconsider this choice, and rightly place the responsibility for their misguided actions and words firmly on them. This isn't a failing on your part, it is a failing on theirs - you can't change your sexuality, but they can change their behaviour.

    While this may not make your immediate circumstances any better unless you feel moved to confront them (which, I would stress, is not something I would suggest if you think it would make matters worse), I hope that it can encourage you to feel better about yourself and have hope that your future will be brighter than your current circumstances - it will.

    It's a terrible thing, and I'm sorry you are going through it, but many people including me are here to help you - and I'm sure there are people in your life like your girlfriend that can also support you too. I would also urge you to seek help from counsellors here as well, as they can advise better than I can.

    Please do say if you need more advice, help, or just someone to listen to you,

    Leo

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    MusicBookMusic / Sep 27 2020 19.46

    Hey, I'm a 16 year old and I know I'm not completely straight.

    It's awful that your family feels this way as do the other students in your school. I can assure you now, as a victim of bullying of a different kind, that even if it doesn't feel like it the bullying will slow as you grow. Many adults say this is because the other students mature but I believe this is because they just lose interest as they have other things to do and focus on as they grow. Whatever - it does go away. I have a medical problem and this was the cause of the bullying (let me tell you now that it was horrible) but I didn't react. It may be best not to react to their bullying. As for your family, your mum sounds like she isn't as homophobic as your brother and dad. Perhaps drop subtle hints to her when you feel like it and maybe you could also try and drop a comment here or there about someone famous who was LGBTQ+ or something amazing that has happened to do with LGBTQ+ community. Maybe you could talk to her about this documentary I saw on youtube today. It was the story of a young trans girl and how her mum was a very religious and anti-LGBTQ+ person but through her young child learnt acceptance and has become a speaker for LGBTQ+ rights. I'd give you the link but that's not allowed. Search it up and you might find it - I thought it was amazing personally.

    I hope this has been of some help and I want you to know that you can come and talk to me on here if you want or if you need help. :)

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