i’m a 13 year old girl and i’ve been pretty aware of my attraction to other girls for a while now. I feel absolutely no attraction to boys and couldnt see myself in a relationship with one so I know that i’m a lesbian, and I have a girlfriend too. We’ve been together for some months now but unfortunately I’ve had to keep it pretty secret.
My dad used to be catholic and he’s openly homophobic. My brother is also homophobic and when we go to my dad’s house at the weekends (divorced parents) i sometimes hear them making homophobic and transphobic jokes and saying some really upsetting stuff but of course I can’t do anything about it because he doesnt know about my sexuality.
Now my mum isn’t as obvious about it, but she‘s frequently told me how she’d be ‘disappointed’ if I were LGBT and she also makes homophobic jokes sometimes. I tried to explain to her that if weren’t straight that being disappointed is equal to any other forms of unacceptance but according to her she’s not homophobic? Even though just a few hours ago she tried pressuring me into coming out and makes me feel guilty.
In all honesty I don’t feel happy at home and it‘s making me feel depressed and suicidal. I feel like a burden to my family and a complete outcast. I want to live my life without the fear of being disowned but that‘s entirely impossible.
People at my school are also homophobic and I get called the f slur sometimes. Everyone makes me feel so disgusted about myself. I hate every part of me and sometimes i wish I weren’t this way just so that I could have a little less trauma. I’m really unsure of what to do and I feel like i’m getting close to the end of the road.