I am constantly apologising even when people say i domt need to, I was told every single day for several years that I was just a piece of shit and was constantly told to apologise even when I didn't think I needed to and it's rammed it's way into my head. I've had therapists, hypnotists, all sorts to try and get it out of my head and for it to stop but it never worked. I have my sister 24/7 at me. She has Autism and uses it to her ability for everything, I've nearly been injured by her multiple times, along with her twin too but she's stopped being as bad now. She is always saying things and doing things that push my to the limit and I just have to put up with it and smile and I've done that for years but it's finally taking its toll on me and I can't take much more. I keep having nightmares every single night when I go to sleep and it's why I get up so late because I wake straight up and lay there for hours crying. I have to live through my old memories of me and other people that I wish I never had to go through once. I'm scared to talk to anyone about anything because of the way people just leave me randomly, I don't know what I ever do wrong so I'm scared to do anything and the last thing I want to ever do is open up because the last time I did that, the person never spoke to me again and then I later found out, half my school knew every little thing about me to the point where I begged my parents to let me move schools. Now I'm just constantly sat alone and I hate being alone because it scares me that I will be alone for forever but if I sit with the people I live with(family), they either blank that I'm there or they find me irritating. I don't know if all of this is me having over reactions but i was told by basically my only friend to ask for help.
Grinch2211 / Aug 01 2020 17.56