Hello, so i've had binge eating disorder for a couple of years now, and a few months ago things were starting to get a lot better. after having a binge at least twice a week for the past two years, i thought i had finally recovered from it completely, and i was eating a healthy amount. however, recently i've been bingeing as well as overeating / grazing frequently and it's so frustrating. i really want to restrict again, but i know that it'll just lead to a binge, but even when i'm not restricting i still binge. i hate it so much because i so desperately want to lose weight but it just seems so impossible. it's even worse because my parents are really fit and healthy (into healthy eating and exercise and stuff), and i just feel so unwanted and ugly. i feel like a failure and a disappointment to them because i just lie around all day eating lmao while they're out on bike rides and running. i would love to start exercising more, but i feel way too self conscious and the only clothes i feel comfortable wearing, i'd be too hot in.
i know a lot about recovery, and i give advice to other people as it used to help me, but it just doesnt work anymore. i can't understand why i have no self-control and it's like something takes over my brain every time i go near food. i make myself meal plans and things but i can never stick to them, even when they're over a healthy amount. i've tried incorporating small amounts of my trigger foods into my diet, but for some reason i still end up bingeing on them. i've spoken to my mum, who was really helpful and nice about it, but i can tell she doesn't understand, and i think she thinks i'm making half of it up.
Anyway, i'm sorry that was so long. if anyone has any advice please please let me know. Thank you so much for reading xxx