i delete this later if the first post comes through( dont remember if i actually posted it)
Before i start im 16 and have finished highschool
Ive always felt alone outside of school, inside if school i have friends that i talk to and hang around with, however they rarely had anything to dk with me outside of school apart from like two.
Now that lockdown has happend and ive not seen pretty much anyone i just feel so alone. My bestfriend has been there for me through alot but she has a life of her own and cant spend it all messaging me, so when shes gone to see her boyfriend(that hates me) or whatever it just leaves me alone and sad realising that i have noone else.
Ive come close to harming myself or even ending it all, but shes been there to stop me, but the constant loneliness and horrible thoughts its becoming harder to cope.
I dont blame them for not wanting to talk to me much, most of my personality i show has been fake and only the two friends mentioned earlier know how i really am, to everyone else im just a happy idiot that tells stupid jokes but really its fake.
at this point i feel sorry for my two actual friends that put up with me and my sadness and whatever else im feeling all the time.
during lockdown i thought it was time to tell my crush how i felt (she was one if the friends that im still in touch with) we knew each other from primary, and during year 11 i realised i had feelings for her, long story short, it went how i expected, but shes doednt feel weird about it and were still really good friends, but after moving on, ontop of all this other stuff going on just hurts.
overall i just feel alone and forgotten
Thanks to anyone thats actually read this
i just wanted to get this off my chest and sorry if it was all over the place