I'm pretty sure I have depression. When I take the NHS depression test I get quite high scores. I feel down and depressed all the time, I'm really tired even if i don't sleep. I self-harm and have suicidal thoughts. I just want to give up. It feels like life absolutely hates me. I don't care about myself much, it feels like my whole life to benefit others.
It is like I can't feel happiness. I try but it feels fake. Everyone says happiness is a choice so why the **** would I not choose it? I want to be happy but strangely, i kinda want to be sad. I don't like feeling suicidal but i feel like i am choosing to feel that way. Everyone says depression isn't a choice or is it? I have a quite good life as it seems but my mental health is absolutely crap. Everyone invalidates my pain and I hate it. When can people understand that telling me to cheer up or telling me that i'm selfish makes me feel worse.
Sorry for the rant