Lockdown Remission

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    notgood455145 / Jun 12 2020 0.21

    I've struggled with symptoms of depression for my whole life ever since I was a little kid, each episode worse than the last. My worst ever wave was summer of 2019 when I experienced the most brutal suicidal thoughts and most severe depressive symptoms (crying, numbness, worthlessness, bad sleep, bad eating habits, medication abuse etc) When I resumed school the symptoms which had kept my life on the line for months disappeared within a week. School is my cure. 2020 was shaping up to be the best year of my life. I survived the worst time of my life and I'd come out happier and stronger. I finally began dating my still loving bf and he made me so happy every single day. I thought those times were forever behind me. And they probably would have been if not for the lockdown. I still see my boyfriend a few times a week but for some reason, it's not enough. I thought I was fine. Then one day I started to feel incredibly numb. I couldn't feel anything. I would tell my bf I loved him but my heart would feel cold. A few days later the sadness hit. The heaviness in my heart that I can never shift. It is ruining my life again. And I have so much more to lose this time. The way I love my bf is unimaginable and I never want to lose him, but this is making me. I can't feel how much I love him through the sadness. Even when we're together all I can feel is the heaviness and the deep numbness in my heart. It kills me so much that this is hurting my relationship. I thought that our bond would be immune to this, I'm getting therapy but it's not helping. And then after I see him I come home and I'm so upset by the fact that I wasn't happy and then I have these crying breakdowns that last for hours. I just want to end this pain. I can't stand hurting him like this. Or me. Please help.

  2. Childline Avatar
    notgood455145 / Jun 12 2020 0.21

    I've struggled with symptoms of depression for my whole life ever since I was a little kid, each episode worse than the last. My worst ever wave was summer of 2019 when I experienced the most brutal suicidal thoughts and most severe depressive symptoms (crying, numbness, worthlessness, bad sleep, bad eating habits, medication abuse etc) When I resumed school the symptoms which had kept my life on the line for months disappeared within a week. School is my cure. 2020 was shaping up to be the best year of my life. I survived the worst time of my life and I'd come out happier and stronger. I finally began dating my still loving bf and he made me so happy every single day. I thought those times were forever behind me. And they probably would have been if not for the lockdown. I still see my boyfriend a few times a week but for some reason, it's not enough. I thought I was fine. Then one day I started to feel incredibly numb. I couldn't feel anything. I would tell my bf I loved him but my heart would feel cold. A few days later the sadness hit. The heaviness in my heart that I can never shift. It is ruining my life again. And I have so much more to lose this time. The way I love my bf is unimaginable and I never want to lose him, but this is making me. I can't feel how much I love him through the sadness. Even when we're together all I can feel is the heaviness and the deep numbness in my heart. It kills me so much that this is hurting my relationship. I thought that our bond would be immune to this, I'm getting therapy but it's not helping. And then after I see him I come home and I'm so upset by the fact that I wasn't happy and then I have these crying breakdowns that last for hours. I just want to end this pain. I can't stand hurting him like this. Or me. Please help.

    rocky2294 / Jun 13 2020 17.08

    Hello, i'm Charlie, I am willing to listen to mental health rants and that and I am willing to say if I need a break for my own mental health, want to chat things through (I am so sorry no one else responded)…….I am willing to talk every day and will respond ASAP with everything xx

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