My Grandma died in February. I witnessed her having a heart attack and hearing my Mums sobs as she died in her arms. I listened as my Grandad said my Grandmothers name over and over again during her last moments. I could hear my Uncle saying she was gone and cursing at my Grandad as he had kept telling them both that this was going to happen.
My Mum is devastated and I don’t know how to cope with any of this. Her drinking is tearing us apart. I can’t be around her when she drinks. Her behaviour changes so whatever she’s feeling is amplified by 10. She also has high blood pressure. So did my Grandma and it’s what ended up killing her. I can’t stop my Mum from drinking. She’s promised me 3 times already and broke it every single time.
Along with that I have just found out that what I experienced as a young child was abuse. I have to live with my abuser and I hate him. The abuse has stopped but I still feel the impact. I’m told by my Mum to get over it because it only happened once (which it didn’t) and that I have a great life and need to stop acting like I was beaten everyday. I was also bullied at school so I have never had a safe place. My autistic brother has ruined my life since the day he was born. I’m no longer in school and I’m close to having to do my gcses but I can’t even do yr4 maths and am not able to get into a school. My Dad (who abused me) calls me lazy and stupid most of the time but apparently it’s a joke. It is is no way funny and he doesn’t say it like it’s a joke.
I constantly feel numb. Sometimes I have a burst of really strong emotion like anger or depression but after that it’s back to numbness. My Mum believes I should be grieving and tells anyone who will listen that I don’t care about my Grandma dying. I’m at a breaking point. Any advice?