I’m ashamed....

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  1. Scientist
    Ecreasion / Apr 27 2020 20.47

    so i have a fear...of atheists. I know how horrible i am and i honestly need to get over this. I know this is literally just another form of sectarianism and i hate myself for it. I would never let anyone in my life know about this because i am friends with atheists and one if my closest friends is an atheist. Im never uncomfortable around them its just when religion is brought up i will do almost anything to get us off the topic. I know there is no excuse for discrimination but i do know the reason i have this irrational fear of atheists. Its because of my uncle. He is an atheist and i was maybe 7, at that time i honestly didnt care about what religion people were as long as they were nice. But one day i was at my Grans and he was there and for some reason he was angry. He just shouted and told me that what i believed in was wrong and that there was nothing once i die. I had pretty bad anger issues then and so i shouted back at him (keep in mind im 7 at this point) and he lost it. I was in tears and just screaming. I cant remember what i was shouting at him but i was brought home by my mum and i just sat in my room and cried for the remainder of the day. Im 13 now and ive only spoke to him once since then.

    this is all worse for me though because im bisexual and i always stand up against homophobes so im basically doing what theyre doing-which is horrible

    if anyone has any advice on how to get over a fear like this, id appreciate it.

    sorry

    maddie xx

  2. Coolcat
    -kiki- / Apr 28 2020 10.03

    Please don’t worry maddie, I understand why this fear has developed. What your uncle said was very wrong, If you believe in your religion, you have all right to ok? I am an atheist and I have a Christian friend and when they talk about religion sometimes I don’t get bothered at all and I don’t think your friends should either.

    Just remember Atheists are like any other person and most likely won’t discriminate you, what your uncle did was very wrong and not everyone will do that

    All the best, Kia

  3. Scientist
    -kiki- / Apr 28 2020 10.03

    Please don’t worry maddie, I understand why this fear has developed. What your uncle said was very wrong, If you believe in your religion, you have all right to ok? I am an atheist and I have a Christian friend and when they talk about religion sometimes I don’t get bothered at all and I don’t think your friends should either.

    Just remember Atheists are like any other person and most likely won’t discriminate you, what your uncle did was very wrong and not everyone will do that

    All the best, Kia

    Ecreasion / Apr 28 2020 12.25

    thank you x

  4. Sheep
    Ecreasion / Apr 27 2020 20.47

    so i have a fear...of atheists. I know how horrible i am and i honestly need to get over this. I know this is literally just another form of sectarianism and i hate myself for it. I would never let anyone in my life know about this because i am friends with atheists and one if my closest friends is an atheist. Im never uncomfortable around them its just when religion is brought up i will do almost anything to get us off the topic. I know there is no excuse for discrimination but i do know the reason i have this irrational fear of atheists. Its because of my uncle. He is an atheist and i was maybe 7, at that time i honestly didnt care about what religion people were as long as they were nice. But one day i was at my Grans and he was there and for some reason he was angry. He just shouted and told me that what i believed in was wrong and that there was nothing once i die. I had pretty bad anger issues then and so i shouted back at him (keep in mind im 7 at this point) and he lost it. I was in tears and just screaming. I cant remember what i was shouting at him but i was brought home by my mum and i just sat in my room and cried for the remainder of the day. Im 13 now and ive only spoke to him once since then.

    this is all worse for me though because im bisexual and i always stand up against homophobes so im basically doing what theyre doing-which is horrible

    if anyone has any advice on how to get over a fear like this, id appreciate it.

    sorry

    maddie xx

    FightingForeverGirl / Apr 30 2020 15.29

    Maddie I can totally understand why you have a fear of Athiests after going through something like that.. just think if your closest friend was in this situation (and you weren't) you wouldn't blame him/her or judge him/her for it would you? It's like saying someone who was attacked by a dog when they were very young and is now scared of dogs is wrong to be scared of dogs. People don't usually say that and they'd probably be ashamed of anyone who did. Not that everyone that has been attacked by a dog is scared of them by the way. But for the people who are, and for the people like you who are scared of atheists, in my opinion it's more shameful to have something against someone who is scared of athiests or whatever after going through a traumatic experience like that. I don't think you should be ashamed at all and I think that it's completely understandable that you are scared of athiests after going through something like that, you deserve sympathy for the traumatic experience (because believe me, that seems really traumatic), not for people to be ashamed of you for a natural reaction to trauma.

    You might need to get over the fear but it's not because you're a horrible person because of it but because it will help your feelings to get over it. You could try counselling, obviously right now it's not an option due to the lockdown but when the lockdown's over you could get something like that sorted out, and you can also always talk to ChildLine counsellors and to me and other people on the boards.

    Holly xx

  5. Scientist
    FightingForeverGirl / Apr 30 2020 15.29

    Maddie I can totally understand why you have a fear of Athiests after going through something like that.. just think if your closest friend was in this situation (and you weren't) you wouldn't blame him/her or judge him/her for it would you? It's like saying someone who was attacked by a dog when they were very young and is now scared of dogs is wrong to be scared of dogs. People don't usually say that and they'd probably be ashamed of anyone who did. Not that everyone that has been attacked by a dog is scared of them by the way. But for the people who are, and for the people like you who are scared of atheists, in my opinion it's more shameful to have something against someone who is scared of athiests or whatever after going through a traumatic experience like that. I don't think you should be ashamed at all and I think that it's completely understandable that you are scared of athiests after going through something like that, you deserve sympathy for the traumatic experience (because believe me, that seems really traumatic), not for people to be ashamed of you for a natural reaction to trauma.

    You might need to get over the fear but it's not because you're a horrible person because of it but because it will help your feelings to get over it. You could try counselling, obviously right now it's not an option due to the lockdown but when the lockdown's over you could get something like that sorted out, and you can also always talk to ChildLine counsellors and to me and other people on the boards.

    Holly xx

    Ecreasion / Apr 30 2020 22.15

    Thank you so much for that. I don’t think anyones ever said something that nice to me about the situation. Thanks for suggesting counselling. I honestly think thats a really good idea. I dont really know how I’d ask my parents about it because they’re still really close with him but I’ll work it out I guess. I know I’m kinda pushing it asking for a bit more advice but how would you ask your parents to go to counselling?

    Thank you so much for all the advice and help x

    maddie xxx

  6. Sheep
    Ecreasion / Apr 30 2020 22.15

    Thank you so much for that. I don’t think anyones ever said something that nice to me about the situation. Thanks for suggesting counselling. I honestly think thats a really good idea. I dont really know how I’d ask my parents about it because they’re still really close with him but I’ll work it out I guess. I know I’m kinda pushing it asking for a bit more advice but how would you ask your parents to go to counselling?

    Thank you so much for all the advice and help x

    maddie xxx

    FightingForeverGirl / May 01 2020 10.00

    Hi Maddie,

    I was attacked by a dog and I was seven too which is why I used that example, although I'm not scared of dogs at all whatsoever (and I don't want anyone to think that because it's VERY annoying) so I can't really relate, but I had counselling for the trauma (trauma isn't always the same as fear). When the dog attack happened the owners were horrible to me about it and treated me like I had done something wrong to them and they were angry with me for it. When they saw me in the street after it happened they'd have a go at me for it and shout at me for it and tell me it was my fault and even imply I deserved it. People don't listen to me when I try to talk about it, they just think I'm scared of dogs (and I'm not) and they use the experience against me by telling me they will set their dog on me, etc. I had counselling but it didn't help that much, but my situation is way different to yours and I think it would probably help you.

    Are your parents supportive and care that it bothers you or do they just side with your uncle? There are ways you can get counselling without your parents knowing, but it's probably easier for your parents to know if possible.

    Sorry I tried to make it about my issues with the dog attack ^^ It's your thread and your problem so you are the one who I should be thinking about in this thread but I really wanted to tell you about that.

    I didn't ask my parents to go to counselling, I just told them how the dog attack made me feel and then they suggested it. Depending on what yours are like it may be different for you.

    Don't worry, it makes me feel better about myself helping people and giving them advice because the dog attack makes me feel like a terrible person. I know it doesn't make any sense though for me to feel that way.

    Holly xx

  7. Scientist
    FightingForeverGirl / May 01 2020 10.00

    Hi Maddie,

    I was attacked by a dog and I was seven too which is why I used that example, although I'm not scared of dogs at all whatsoever (and I don't want anyone to think that because it's VERY annoying) so I can't really relate, but I had counselling for the trauma (trauma isn't always the same as fear). When the dog attack happened the owners were horrible to me about it and treated me like I had done something wrong to them and they were angry with me for it. When they saw me in the street after it happened they'd have a go at me for it and shout at me for it and tell me it was my fault and even imply I deserved it. People don't listen to me when I try to talk about it, they just think I'm scared of dogs (and I'm not) and they use the experience against me by telling me they will set their dog on me, etc. I had counselling but it didn't help that much, but my situation is way different to yours and I think it would probably help you.

    Are your parents supportive and care that it bothers you or do they just side with your uncle? There are ways you can get counselling without your parents knowing, but it's probably easier for your parents to know if possible.

    Sorry I tried to make it about my issues with the dog attack ^^ It's your thread and your problem so you are the one who I should be thinking about in this thread but I really wanted to tell you about that.

    I didn't ask my parents to go to counselling, I just told them how the dog attack made me feel and then they suggested it. Depending on what yours are like it may be different for you.

    Don't worry, it makes me feel better about myself helping people and giving them advice because the dog attack makes me feel like a terrible person. I know it doesn't make any sense though for me to feel that way.

    Holly xx

    Ecreasion / May 01 2020 13.03

    Thats horrible! I cant believe that a dog would attack you and the owners blamed you for it! That isn‘t right on so many levels. Its even worse that people use it against you! And you are most definitely not a horrible person. Thos people treated YOU wrong, that is not your fault at all. If you want to talk about it I’m here x

    I’m pretty sure my parents would side with me and try and get me help, which is good but... I know this really shouldn’t be my main priority but I think I’d be kinda embarrassed going to counselling... I just wouldn’t want people at my school finding out and my dad would tell everyone because he’s in the newspaper a lot for his business and he does lots of interviews where he talks about his family life and I feel like he’d mention me in it and if I went to counselling.

    maddie x

  8. Sheep
    Ecreasion / May 01 2020 13.03

    Thats horrible! I cant believe that a dog would attack you and the owners blamed you for it! That isn‘t right on so many levels. Its even worse that people use it against you! And you are most definitely not a horrible person. Thos people treated YOU wrong, that is not your fault at all. If you want to talk about it I’m here x

    I’m pretty sure my parents would side with me and try and get me help, which is good but... I know this really shouldn’t be my main priority but I think I’d be kinda embarrassed going to counselling... I just wouldn’t want people at my school finding out and my dad would tell everyone because he’s in the newspaper a lot for his business and he does lots of interviews where he talks about his family life and I feel like he’d mention me in it and if I went to counselling.

    maddie x

    FightingForeverGirl / May 02 2020 9.14

    The child of the owner of the dog was the most horrible to me. The actual owner (adult) shouted at me for being scared of their dog a few weeks after it happened. I was walking past their house and scared to carry on because it was standing there growling. And she saw me and screamed, 'just GO!!!!'. The child tried to get people to turn against me or to hate me for it and said that I deliberately made it happen just to make the owners suffer. It bothers me a lot but I feel like I can't say this to many people because no one seems to understand..but it's about wanting the sympathy. No one was sympathetic to me about the dog bite or gave me attention or support for what I went through, my parents weren't nasty about it like the owners were but it felt like no one made it about me or cared that I was the victim. It was about avoiding the owners feeling guilty. I feel like I was the one who suffered and was the victim and deserved sympathy and it should have been about being nice to me and making it up to me. But it wasn't about that at all. It was like I was an object that was broken rather than a person that was hurt and it was about avoiding the people who broke the object (the dog and the owners) feeling guilty but obviously I'm not an object. So that's why it bothers me.

    It's fine, I can understand why you'd be embarrased to go to counselling. I wasn't but I can understand. Would he support you if you asked him not to mention it in his interviews? If not then you could keep it a secret that you're going or get over the embarrassment some way. Best case scenario, instead of being embarrased, use your experience and counselling as a survivor story if that makes sense. << Maybe do that after the counselling has worked.

    Holly xx

  9. Sheep
    Ecreasion / May 01 2020 13.03

    Thats horrible! I cant believe that a dog would attack you and the owners blamed you for it! That isn‘t right on so many levels. Its even worse that people use it against you! And you are most definitely not a horrible person. Thos people treated YOU wrong, that is not your fault at all. If you want to talk about it I’m here x

    I’m pretty sure my parents would side with me and try and get me help, which is good but... I know this really shouldn’t be my main priority but I think I’d be kinda embarrassed going to counselling... I just wouldn’t want people at my school finding out and my dad would tell everyone because he’s in the newspaper a lot for his business and he does lots of interviews where he talks about his family life and I feel like he’d mention me in it and if I went to counselling.

    maddie x

    FightingForeverGirl / May 02 2020 9.16

    Also I didn't have any space to say this because of the character limit but thank you so much for being so kind about it ^^ the dog bite bothers me a lot and I've had people telling me it was my fault and stuff so it's nice to have someone be so kind about it. Tysm xxx

  10. Scientist
    FightingForeverGirl / May 02 2020 9.16

    Also I didn't have any space to say this because of the character limit but thank you so much for being so kind about it ^^ the dog bite bothers me a lot and I've had people telling me it was my fault and stuff so it's nice to have someone be so kind about it. Tysm xxx

    Ecreasion / May 03 2020 13.38

    Honestly it’s just horrible how they objectified you! I can’t believe they didn’t treat you like a real person. There should have been a court case against them! It’s assault and so they should have been fined at least! Especially because they proceeded to try and make your life a living hell. You went through a lot and people should have been more sympathetic towards you. And you were definitely the victim there, not them. And thanks for the advice on counselling, my dad would probably still blab about something which is why usually dont tell him anything private but you’re probably right about just getting over the embarrassment. It’s just that in school I have a certain ‘role’ to play, I’m usually the one who kinda ‘protects’ my friend group. That means I get insults and punches thrown at me 24/7. I’m not going to say I’m innocent because I usually do the same back but, sometimes it gets tiring dealing with it all and I feel like I shouldn’t give the idiots in my year another reason to taunt me.

    And honestly I don’t get who’d blame you for it x

  11. Sheep
    Ecreasion / May 03 2020 13.38

    Honestly it’s just horrible how they objectified you! I can’t believe they didn’t treat you like a real person. There should have been a court case against them! It’s assault and so they should have been fined at least! Especially because they proceeded to try and make your life a living hell. You went through a lot and people should have been more sympathetic towards you. And you were definitely the victim there, not them. And thanks for the advice on counselling, my dad would probably still blab about something which is why usually dont tell him anything private but you’re probably right about just getting over the embarrassment. It’s just that in school I have a certain ‘role’ to play, I’m usually the one who kinda ‘protects’ my friend group. That means I get insults and punches thrown at me 24/7. I’m not going to say I’m innocent because I usually do the same back but, sometimes it gets tiring dealing with it all and I feel like I shouldn’t give the idiots in my year another reason to taunt me.

    And honestly I don’t get who’d blame you for it x

    FightingForeverGirl / May 04 2020 8.55

    I think they are like that with kids in general, it wasn't just me that they treated so badly because I was attacked by their dog. The point is I think they would have treated me badly even if I wasn't attacked by their dog, but they certainly treated me worse becuse I was. I don't know if they did blame me or not, they might have secretly blamed themselves but pretended they blamed me because they felt guilty. Some people are like that. I wasn't really bothered about sueing them tbh, I just wanted people to be more sympathetic about it and to try to make it up to me and see me as a person that was a victim of a traumatic experience, not a reason to be defensive and someone to take out their frustration on (they were frustrated that I was scared of their dog). If sueing them would have made them be kind to me and try to make it up to me, then I would have done without a doubt. But it wouldn't have and my family never sued them anyway but I just wanted people to be nice to me about it. It just bothers me so much because I feel like there's nothing I can do about it..

    I feel like the protector of my friend group too, but someone else is also kind of the protector so we both protect each other which is great. She makes me feel good about myself and she's the only person I feel totally safe with in the group. By safe I mean that the others get really grumpy with me sometimes. She never does even though she has terrible period cramps.Sorry I'm rambling a bit there lol. Remember you don't have to protect your group all the time, I mean I find it kinda exciting but not everyone would..Do your friends know you find it tiring to be the protector all the time?

    I think the owners felt guilty for it and took it out on me. Obvs it's wrong but I think people are like that.

    Holly xx

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